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OMD

2012-02-11T19:23:00.001-08:00

I’m sitting here trying to write a paper, with my headphones on, listening to Pandora. All I can think is, “Oh Crap! My favorite high school song.” Now I have to think about him and all the wonderful feelings I had at that time of my life. So romantic. So hopeful. So full of love and desire. So too young. So not believed that my feelings were real.

Here is a note to my 16 year old self:

I believe you. I believe in how your heart soars. I believe all the pain you feel when you are apart. I believe your hopes and dreams are real. I believe that you wish you were years and years older. I understand how you hate that college has to come first. I will be there when he breaks your heart. And I will validate all your feelings. And then I will tell you to pick yourself up and realize that you wouldn’t want to marry someone who treats you like trash…..something that can be used and tossed away. I would tell you that your prince is coming, to be patient, it will take time, but it will happen.

Little Man

2012-01-04T07:42:00.001-08:00

My youngest son is sick…..and acts like he is dying. He has me running for water, food and blankets. When this child grows to a man and finds a woman she better have a high need to nurture. He definitely has the man gene of being absolutely miserable when ill (and the ability to make me miserable too!).

The Right Fit

2011-12-29T20:32:00.001-08:00

Lately I have been pulling up my pants like crazy! I don’t know if I lost weight……I don’t think so. My pants just haven’t fit, either too tight or too loose. One of the most annoying things for me is that my pants do not fit in the butt. I don’t have much going on in the hind end, so to get something to fit around my lack of butt is amazing.

I took a chance yesterday, when Old Navy had their jeans on sale. I actually got a pair of jeans under $15! What is so wonderful about these jeans is not only did I get them at a great price, but they fit wonderfully!

Yay! My butt is hugged and the pants stay up! Way to go Old Navy, you now have a very loyal customer!

Old Navy Jeans

Why the name change?

2011-12-26T21:07:00.001-08:00

It just came to me…..the name change. You see, here lately I have been joking with Jeff about how I don’t have anything to do being that I’m just a stay at home mom. I am just so bored and don’t know what to do with myself since I don’t have a real job. My days are long and lonely and it is just so exciting to get to go to the grocery store once a week. When people ask what I do with all this free time I have I just tell them that I eat bonbons and watch Soap Operas.

It’s a joke that my husband and I so love! We know the truth. I really do have a job as a Systems Operator/Management Specialist Level 3 of a local non-profit group. It is a very demanding job that is more than a regular 40 hour a week job. In order to do my job you have to be proficient in many fields and continue your education annually.

What gets me the most is that just because I am not on payroll I’m considered to not have a real job. I have recently been thought of someone who needs extra activities to keep my mind busy. I accepted a volunteer job in photography. I told someone about it and that person wanted to know if I would like to borrow their camera. I think if I was more of a bragger people would know all that I have done and can do, but I’m not a bragger. Because I don’t go around sharing with others all of the talents that I have taught myself over the years doesn’t mean that I do not have these talents.

So I will be compiling a work of all of the things that I have done over the years. I will be working hard to sell myself to be awarded credit for the things I have done in my life so far. I am hoping that the people who review this work will find value in my work. I will be bragging but only to earn the credit I believe that I deserve. We will see what happens.

Yes, I feel a bit bitter over the fact that working people do not value the work of those people who do not get paid for what they do. I’m happy to know that my Heavenly Father sees it all and knows the motives of my heart.

Just doing a little test!

2011-12-26T18:11:00.001-08:00

I have a new computer and I’m testing out a new program that I can link to my blog.

A Miracle Happened Today!

2011-08-06T23:16:00.000-07:00

Let me start with a little history. Back in 1996 I bought fabric at the local fabric store to make my baby boy a quilt for his 1st birthday. This fabric had pictures of Bible characters on it like, Adam and Eve, Noah's Ark, David and Goliath and Moses. I worked on it when my then baby son Devin was bouncing away in his Jonny-Jump-Up. He would bounce, I would quilt, he would smile and would talk to him and quilt. It is a very sweet memory to me.

When I gave him his quilt on his 1st birthday (Thanksgiving Day of 96') he seemed to love it from the start. That quilt was still going to bed with him in 4th grade!

Well, when we moved to Oregon (for the 1st time) in April of 2006 something happened to the blanket. By the time we got to our new home the quilt was no where to be found. I thought that maybe after we settled in we would find it, but after time I realized that we must have lost it.

After I thought through the events of the trip, I think I figured out what happened. The second night that we stayed in a hotel, two out of three of my boys got sick.....the throw-up kind of sick. So I was up during the middle of the night and on into the wee hours of the morning washing blankets in the hotel laundry room. I think out of shear exhaustion I must have forgotten the last load and left it behind. By the time I figured this out it was too late to track it down by calling the hotel.

Devin was sad that his little quilt was gone forever. I think I was the most upset because I have many memories tied to that precious thing. I can't tell you how many times have I laid that over his little body after a long day, so glad that it was finally bed time. Or how many times I heard him ask for his "blue blanket". We would pack it up when he stayed at Grandma and Grandpa's or go spend the night at Aunt Wendy's house. It was an extension of that child of mine.

A few weeks ago, when everyone else was in bed, I search the internet trying to find the same fabric that I used for that quilt. My search was fruitless. At some point I said a little prayer telling God that I would really like to find that fabric.

Here comes the good part! I was leaving JoAnn's Fabric Store today and as I was coming out the door a lady was approaching the entrance. I looked at the fabric that she was carrying in her hand and it looked just like the fabric that I was looking for. I asked her if I could see her fabric and to my amazement she was holding a piece that was from the very same line of fabric! I told her my story of searching for the fabric, secretly hoping that she would be so kind and sell it to me. I did ask to see what was printed on the outer edge, knowing that the design company is usually printed there. It said Frabric Traditions copy write 1995. I went to my car and immediately texted myself the information.

When I got home I did some searching on the computer and found it on ebay!!! I purchased it and am so excited to remake this baby quilt. It won't be the same quilt I know, but it will remind me of the precious memories of my almost 16 year old son when he was so little. The one thing that it will remind me of the most is that God heard my prayer and he gave me this as a very special gift.

Here is the picture of the fabric as seen on the ebay ad:

A Soldier, The News, The Library and a Hot Shower

2011-05-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know what exactly led me to the "Adopt A US Soldier" site a few weeks ago, but I ended up adopting a soldier. I thought it would be fun to write to a soldier and encourage him or her. I have been connected with a man who I think is serving in Afghanistan (I gather this by his address). We have had a few correspondences over the last week and I'm excited to learn more about him. I would not post anything about him here, that is information he shares with me and I wouldn't dream of posting it. But I just want to say that I'm excited to have a new friend and thinking of him and praying for him has made me think of things a bit differently lately.

Last night my oldest son was watching the news. I rarely watch the news, I don't know how much of it is true and how much of it is spun in one direction or another To be very frank, it depresses me. So in order to help my own mental health I choose to stay away from it. What I saw last night, in the short time I watched, was horrific. Two people in Syria had been shot in the street and people on both sides of the street were trying to get their bodies out of the street. I couldn't imagine living through that. I can't imagine the mentality of people who have to live through things like that. Are they constantly afraid, or do they live every day to the fullest knowing that tomorrow they or a loved one could be gone?

My awareness as an American has been enlarged over the past few years. I am more aware of how fortunate I am. I have a friend who isn't from this country who has enlightened me about the world and how other countries view Americans. My pastors wife from Modesto has had a passion for foreign affairs that has also made me realize how wonderful it is to live were the government is at least stable. I didn't write perfect government or country. There are some great places here and some awful places here, I know. What I am saying is that I see that I have it really good compared to multitudes of people all over the world.

Today I took my two older boys to the library in Salem. It is a very nice library, very spacious with lots of books. I love the library. I'm amazed at all the books written, realizing that there are only a few in any given library compared to all the books that are printed and on shelves all over the world. But this microcosm of books delights my brain and tells me that there is a plethora of possibilities for learning! For this cranial chic, that is exciting. As I walked down one quiet row in the upper level of the library looking for a non-fictional biography I thought, "I'm spoiled". I live where there is peace. I do not have to fear coming into a public place, it was quiet there, and no one had a gun (at least that I could see). I felt at peace. I could let my boys roam around and I could do the same with great freedom.

After the earthquake in Japan I noticed a few simple things in my life that many of the people there would like to have. When I step into a hot shower in the morning, I thank God for it. It is a privilege to be in the privacy of my own home and have a hot shower.

Then I have to wonder why I was born into such a wonderful state in life. I am not a rich girl, but compared to so many I am very wealthy. My only response to what God has given me is to be humble, grateful and thankful to Him. From that I want to share with others what I can. I know that what I give can seem small. Maybe all I give is one little baby quilt to a hospital as a member of a group by the name of Heavenly Angels in Need. Maybe all I can do is thank a soldier for working in the US army that works toward my own personal freedom. I could do a lot by doing a little.

I hope to encourage all who read this to think of the much they could do with the little they could give or do. If we all just stepped out some it could really impact the world around us. Here is one of my favorite quotes from Mother Teresa that I will leave you with:

"Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love."
— Mother Teresa

I don't profess to do and live with perfection. There are many things that I need to work on. But I do have a passion for taking hold of opportunities with braveness and step out and do good when you can. Please, join me. The people around you and I need your love and compassion. Even if you feel a bit awkward, that's okay, awkward is better than regret.

Love to all who have spent time here with me,

Deanne

Our New Home

2011-05-04T18:07:00.001-07:00

I finally have a few rooms presentable and I wanted to share some pictures (I have had a few request).

Welcome to our home. We have moved around so much that it is wonderful to finally feel home. I thank God for this undeserved blessing!

The view as you enter the front door. There is a good size entry, so when guest arrive you are not crammed.

To the left in the entry is my in-laws china hutch. It is a beloved piece that I am very grateful to have.

To the right of the entry is the hall that leads to the bedrooms and bath. Devin and Jake share the larger room and Drew finally gets to have a room to himself. We have the Master of course and it functions as Jeff's at home office as well. No picture of that room yet, it is still in "we just moved in" mess mode!

Not too exciting, but this is the hall.

This is a beautiful electric fireplace. Just flip the switch and you have a warm and inviting "fire"!

Here is the part of the living room that is on the same wall as my gallery.

And now looking opposite the hallway to the left side of the living room into the dining/kitchen combo.

My creative center! I plan to make it tidier under the table soon. We plan to clean out the garage this weekend, so I'm hopping to find room out there for my fabric boxes. I love this quilt. I started it when we lived in Visalia, I think when Jake was one or two. This saying has come to have deep meaning for me!

My dining room. I just painted and love the color. I have plans to hang my candle chandelier and hang white curtains. In good time!

Opposite the dining is the kitchen. I love the open bar. I have wanted an open bar for a long time. The little cupboard to the left is my dedicated baking cupboard. For those who know me well, this is a very treasured place. I didn't paint the backsplash because I have a creative idea. I'll post pictures when it is done.

And here is a luxury! I have an indoor laundry room! I haven't had one in a while.

This is taken when I was standing at the kitchen bar. I love the view outside. The picture isn't the best of the view. What I love is that I look out and see green and trees!

And last but not least.....is our six month old "Tree Walker Hound" Sofie. She is a sweet little girl in the morning and afternoon, but changes into a terror at night. Maybe she is a Vampire Hound!

In Reply To A Dear Friend

2010-07-20T09:02:00.000-07:00

This in reply to a dear friend's blog:
http://thecorums.blogspot.com

My dear friend, you know who you are, this is for you.

I love your latest blog post, because I see myself in you, my younger self. Your angst was my angst. Your fears and thoughts were my fears and thoughts. I'm proud of your for writing them out and sharing them with the world.

You, my dear, have grown up in a world (and live in it still) of comparison and competition. You know who the key players are and you know who has influenced you. If I could name your social illness I would call it: Social ADD or Look-at-me-iddis! It's like getting the flu, it gets passed around and everyone seems to get it a few times in their life. Let me assure you, strong health people get better and go on with there lives. (smile)

I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there is a cure. The bad news is that the cure is painful, pain that you can endure but painful no doubt. The vehicle of pain and the cure is summed up in a simple word, trials.

You and I have walked through an awful trial at one time. You know how much I suffered and you were there right along side of me to lift me up and help carry me along. It was hard and confusing, but I grew and God used it to refine my character. Since then I have been through numerous trials of various kinds, like James talks about in the Bible. And yes they have tested my faith. But the outcome of many of those trials has been a deeper faith and trust in God and a clearer view of what matters in life.

Decorating is fun. Baking wonderful cookies is a joy. Dressing in style is an amazing feeling. Loosing 10 pounds is a great success. All good things of planet earth. But the problem with all of these wonderful things of earth is that they quickly fade, you can't keep hold of them because they are illusive. So to keep the feeling, or the admiration of others you have to keep preforming. Think Britney Spears, she had to keep doing more sensational stuff to keep the media's attention on her. Once she stopped she has to just live a normal life dealing with the problems of her life, her kids and just normal stuff like laundry. We all live that desire to have attention on a smaller scale. Instead of grabbing for the media's attention we seek approval of people from church, family and friends and people at work. When the new hair style gets old, when the delish cookie is eaten and forgotten and when the new designer color on the wall fades into the background we are back to square one of needing to do something great to get attention and approval. It is all fleeting and you have to chase it to keep up with it. It is so tiring to do.

There is a better way, and you don't do it overnight. Simply put, walking with Jesus is the cure.

If I were to prescribe your first dose of medicine I would have you go to Scripture House and have you buy a copy of "If Only I Had A Green Nose" by Max Lucado. It is a book for kids, but I think it just might be targeted to the parents that read it to their kids.

The second dose of medicine for Social ADD would be to read through all four gospels.

Then pick a few people who love and support you when you are ugly, stinky and have no Pottery Barn within site of your house! This would include your wonderful hubby and your best friend who I think is Michelle. They get you. They love you. They love you for you on the inside and not how well you bake, photograph, or decorate.

Lastly, bake, decorate, photography, write for you! Do what you enjoy and share it with the people who love you for more than what you can bring to the table. Don't worry about the open house, it's a strange local tradition. Not everyone in the world is so HGTV about their own homes. I have met some of these people and I really like them!

Being in your 20's is like unto a caterpillar coming out of it's cocoon. There is stretching, striving and busting open. It is a process that takes time and can look ugly. God is patient with every butterfly that is going through the process, he created it. You are that beautiful butterfly, my dear. You have so much to give to this world and are crazy talented! I see such beauty in you.

Here is a secret in life that few can grasp: It is better to give than to receive. It is a beautiful thing to give a compliment, to pray with a hurting soul, to bring a meal to someone (you know how I feel about that). When you give, you are able to take your eyes off of yourself and your worldly status and join in the joy of life how God intends it to be.

You are on the right path. It is painful stepping away from the norm. The other side is freedom and beauty.

Warning: the struggle last for a life time, but the more you practice the cure the less you are inflected with the illness.

Love to my wonderful friend Jen who was there when I needed her.

Plaph!

2010-07-05T22:20:00.001-07:00

A person who has much internal conversations and thoughts has a difficult time keeping it inside because there is just not enough room. Many people can not understand why some people need an outlet for expression. With out expression some of us would shrivel up and die. Listen to what type of music people make and you will know what is going on inside. Jesus tells us that from the over flow of the heart the mouth speaks.

How can a person keep silent when there is so much on the inside dying to get out? What do you say when you are told to not say anything at all? Do you just stop speaking and expressing? Do you crawl into the whole that you want to go and hide in?

Life doesn't always give you roses. Life is good at giving you lemons, sour and bitter. Yeah, making lemon aid is such a good idea.....but what if you have run out of sugar?

Ramblings that end in a tribute to my marriage/ or Stream of thought blogging.

2010-06-23T09:16:00.000-07:00

I just feel like writing.

Stuff happens to me daily. Life seems really strange at times. I go the gamete of having Hawaiian Fruit punch dropped behind me, in Winco, by my 8 year-old-son, resulting in red splotches up the back end of me. What woman is okay with red splotches up her back end? The other end of the spectrum is very serious stuff, having a knowledge of weird stuff going on in peoples lives and not knowing what to do with the information.

My heart wants the best. So in the case of the Hawaiian punch, I try my best to comfort my very remorseful young son about the accident and suck up my pride and deal with my embarrassment. In the case of the weird stuff I come across, I turn to my pastor for advise. In his wisdom, his answers are much more mild than my impulses. Yet, my heart is continually uneasy.

More stuff. I walk into the grocery store yesterday and one of the ladies who works at the register waves and talks to me across many feet of store, she wants to know where I have been. Then she walks over to me and gives me a big hug. How sweet, I'm thinking. What warrants such love from a lady at the grocery store? I did offer to have coffee with her when I knew she was down.....was that what endured her to me? I then go on with my shopping with my middle 11 year old son. He wanted to get a Vitamin water to share with me, so instead of my usual "No" answer, I said yes. We drank, finished shopping, and went to go to check-out where the lady mentioned above was. My middle son likes to pretend that he is a warrior of some sorts and has imaginary fights, yes even in the grocery store. I have grown accustom to it and let him be strange (after all, he did get his inhibitions from his mother)! Any of you reading here that have spent any time with my as a young girl or the woman I am today, knows that I love to be silly and don't really care who sees! The lady at the check out noticed that he was going to fight one of the watermelons on display and was going to say a sarcastic joke but refrained and told me the joke instead. I was trying to tell her that he was fighting an imaginary villain but she jumped in and thought I was telling her that he was autistic. No, he isn't........he just has too many of his mothers genes in his DNA, that allows him to be himself inspite of what someone might think. So I got all my items checked out, I paid and left. After we got outside I realized that I didn't pay for the Vitamin water that he was holding. So we went right back into the store to pay.

The lady who checked us out gave me a funny look and I told her that we forgot to pay. She had a few people in her line, so she told me to go to "Mike" at the quick check out. Now, Mike is a handsome, well groomed and friendly man that I would guess to be about 50. He has always been very friendly to me.....at times a little too friendly and I suspected that he was interested in me (but I wear a wedding ring and am very devoted to my husband). The only time that he wasn't friendly, was when I came through with my handsome husband. He wouldn't hardly look at me or Jeff for that matter. Hummm.....I thought it a bit odd. I told my husband about what I noticed that day and how odd I thought it was. So we joke that he is my boyfriend at Raley's. I walked right up and said that we stole the drink and we needed to come back to pay. He told me that I seemed like the type that would be honest. Actually, I was very flattered by the comment because I highly value being honest when it comes to ethics, as such. My comment back was that it was nice to know that I was perceived that way. His replay, "Your pretty and honest". I thanked him and walked away trying not to burst out in laughter. My 11 year old son heard the comment and was dumbfounded. I was flattered that someone other than my husband found me pretty and was a bit taken aback by him saying that, was it a compliment or was it inappropriate?

I left the store and just had to laugh! I'm approaching my 18th wedding anniversary, have owned up to the fact that there are wrinkles on my face and the fact that my three pregnancy and my disdain for "working out" has left me with a woman's figure not the girlish one that I miss so much.

I couldn't wait to tell Jeff what happened and let him know that he has competition (we joke like that). It was just too funny. I haven't been flirted with (besides by my wonderful husband) in I don't know how long. My son was freaked out, he thought it was very weird. All I could think of was how funny it was to me as a kid, when men flirted with my Mom, and how she would smile and have an embarrassed look on her face at the same time. It was very amusing to me when that happened!

Well with every ying there is a yang. (I don't know much about the ying and yang, so I am not making a spiritual reference, just a metaphor here.) I walked into the church later that day, to pick up my youngest son from VBS. I was told by a young boy coming down the hall that I had the same hair style as his grandma. Okay, I was feeling all good about myself and now I'm being compared to a kid's grandma. He fumbled through his words, I think he realized he made a blunder. I asked how old his grandma was and he said 40 something. Okay, I suppose if I had a kid in my teens, and that kid had a kid in their teens, I could very well be a grandma by now. So I mellowed a bit.

There are times when we unfortunately are faced with our own mortality. Then there are days that we have to realized that time has passed and has taken us along for the ride. Being flirted with by a 50 year old man and being told my hair looks like a grandma's was a bit of a punch in the gut.

I am so grateful for the life God has given me, all of the years. There is good and bad in the many years. My character is being shaped daily by so many of the experiences I have had. I continue to have my silly free spirit and yet the depth of my thoughts and feelings that can only be seen by a few. I guess that is way I write here. Self expression is sort of therapy.

Eighteen years ago I was counting down the days until my wedding. Fast forward to today and I'm counting down the days that I get to spend alone with my husband. I can't wait for our little get away vacation together this weekend. What a rock he has been in my life. I wouldn't be the same woman today if I didn't have him. He is the person that I can say anything to and he understands, or at least tries to. He can see my heart and knows my motives sometimes before I do.

So here is to 18 years of growing, fighting it out, figuring it out and loving each other through it all! Here is to being young and stupid and rushing into marriage (we met and 11 months later we said I do). No, I wasn't stupid! I knew what I wanted, I knew what I didn't want and Jeff was the answer to my prayers. He took my heart and loved it and nurtured it to health with his unconditional love. He allowed me to be me, silly and serious, and puts up with the wit that often flies off of my tongue in his direction. So after 18 years, three babies later, wrinkles and trials and triumphs......her is to you my Mr. Darcy. I love you.

Errands

2010-05-05T00:00:00.000-07:00

I have seem to been over taken by errands lately.

I think it would be a very wise thing to set aside a day for errands. The only problem with this idea, is that I would be totally worn out by all the places I had to go. I wonder if I am having a problem with not being efficient or if other women out there are running as much as I am.

I am constantly thinking that I can manage my life better. I have read books and some women seem to think that if you have a calendar or notebook that you can plan everything out in, you would then be able to go about everything more efficiently. The authors of these books, I would like to know, do they have kids living at home? Everyday is a new challenge. Everyday has it's own set of ups and downs. If I actually take the advice of these authors who have the answers, and plan out my day, it always is the day that has the biggest interruptions.

I make list, cross things off the list, and then add more things to the list. Yes, I get things done. The house gets cleaned (not all at once anymore). Oh, shoot, I just remembered that I need to sit down and pay some bills!!!!!! And with that thought, I am reminded of why I erratically run so many errands. I have a great fear of forgetting to do something that is important. I am interrupted in my thought life all the time. If I do not go and take care of the thing that is on my mind right now, I just might forget to do it. But it just seems to be taking so much time, these foes of mine, the errands.

Let's see, maybe I should make Tuesday and Friday my errand day. Yes, this is a wonderful idea! The idea is just as good as all the list and plans that I make and tape them to my refrigerator door. Yes, they work for 5 days to a week and then something happens to get me off track. I guess I'm just going to have to accept that I work best by flying by the seat of my pants and following the creative impulses of my mind and heart. It all gets done, eventually.

It's All Over, I'm 40!

2010-03-16T22:26:00.000-07:00

Yep, today is the day I turned 40.

It's all over.

I'm done.

No turning back........................................................

I've come a long way baby! I done with always second guessing myself. I'm over what people think of me! Who cares. I know my self now! It matters more what I think of me. Yep, no going back to thinking everyone else must be right and I must be in the wrong. I've lived. I've learned. Sure I'm wrong, but not always. And if someone ever tries to tell me who I am, ever again, it will be like water off of a ducks back. No one needs to tell me who I am, because I know myself better than ever. I know my weaknesses, what I have to work on. I know my strengths and talents, too.

I was dreading this birthday. I always thought 40 sounded old. My Mom's best friend died at 39 and that was terribly sad. I was 17 at the time and thought that at least she got to live her life and do everything (at least everything that I wanted to get to do at that time in my life). So since I was 17, I thought 40 was a fully lived life. Ha! I have only just begun!

The 10 years of living through my 30 was no walk in the park. I have been through the unexpected, there have been many growing pains, mistakes and trials. I have doubted myself, tried and weighed my motives and wondered if I was on the right path. I have been uprooted, rejected, and deeply hurt. I have been scared to death, doubting and full of dread. I have walked straight into the unknown and started life all over. Yes, at times I have felt so beaten down I wasn't sure how to stand up straight and continue on. But then there was the great transformation......................

I have been a believer in Jesus since I was 6 years old. I have walked in my faith through childhood, the teen years, my young adult years of marriage and childbirth, and have hung on tight through the trials of my 30's. God never left and he never failed. He has put me through the fire and I have found that he is my greatest treasure! Each step of the way he has lovely shaped my life and has places passions and dreams into my heart. I love him now more than ever. I trust him now more than I ever did. I can see how through the bad times, he carries his own through. Through each trial his child goes through he is calling that child closer to his heart, calling his child to look away from this world to see his face, his way, his love.

I'm over the hill! That's right, for me, in my life, I am over the hill of wondering who I am and who God has made me to be. And let me tell you the other side is sweet green pasture! I am beginning. I am saying "Hello" to the second chapter of my life! I'm looking forward to living it all out for my Lord Jesus. I want to be the woman who loves. I want to be the woman who doesn't care if some one is watching and do what is right and follow my Lord. I'm excited for what is ahead.

Yes, when I look in the mirror I see the wrinkles around the eyes. Yes, I have aged and will have to accept that with the passing of time. But I will honestly have to remember I really don't care what people look like on the outside. I care most about what I can see on the inside. The really cool thing about aging is that you can work on becoming more and more beautiful on the inside and it doesn't cost a dime of miracle cream!

I am thankful for every part of my past. Of course I wish I had a time machine and could go back and do somethings over. I wish I would have guarded my heart when I was young. I wish I didn't worry how clean my house was when my first baby was born. I wish I didn't worry so much about fitting in when I was in my 20's and was more myself. But the thing is, every negative and positive thing in my life has made me who I am today. I know I still have a long way to go. There is so much of life that I have never experienced. I don't plan on ever being old. I have a young spirit and do not plan on that ever changing. I will be dancing at my grandkids weddings when I'm 80! I do hope to gain wisdom and grace. I want to make a loving mark on every life that God allows me to touch. I have always felt love inside of me bigger than myself and can't help but love strongly and caring deeply. If I have known someone and we were in some way friends.....I will always care about you. I plan on being that same person for the rest of my life. But today I am turning over a new leaf.............I am stepping into the tomorrow of my life with a stronger love and stronger passion than ever before!

I will not be old until the day after I die. Then I will really not be old at all because I will be with my Lord, with a new body, in heaven!!!!!

A New Song I Heard Tonight

2010-01-21T00:36:00.000-08:00

As I was lying down with my youngest son when he went to bed, I heard a new song on the radio. Oh, this was a very new type of song. This was a beautiful yet piercing type of song. I would like to take the liberty to post the lyrics here.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
This song is sung by Todd Agnew and he gives thanks to Matthew for the lyrics.

Lyrics to My Jesus :

Which Jesus do you follow,
Which Jesus do you serve
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world

Cause My Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars,
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
or do we pray to blessed with with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sands

My Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars,
He loved the poor and accosted the rich,
So which one do you want to be

Who is this that You follow,
This picture of the American dream,
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side,
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet
holy
Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion,
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins,
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part,
Sometimes I doubt we'd recognize Him

My Jesus bled and died He spent His time with thieves and the least of
these,
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable,
So which one do you want to be,
Cause
My Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet,
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
And,
I think He'd prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud

I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus
I want to be like my Jesus

Not a posterchild for American prosperity,
but like my Jesus
You see I'm tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus
but I'm not sure what that means to be like
You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You,
love like You but then
You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I wanna be like you Jesus
I wanna be Like my Jesus

Meek Not Weak

2010-01-20T23:33:00.000-08:00

I'm slowly digesting Matthew chapter 5:5 in my Bible.

"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth" is the verse that has been on my mind.

The word meek will most likely conjure up different ideas, in the minds of different people. What do you think of when you hear the word meek?

Meekness is an attribute or characteristic of someone. I would dare to say, that meekness makes most of us uncomfortable. To be meek in today's world may look like you are weak, or you may fear that to be meek you would have to be weak. Good News! To be meek doesn't mean you are weak at all. Someone who is a very strong person can be meek.

Let's boil it down to this, someone who is a meek person is a humble person. First, it is of most importance to be humble toward God. In order to receive His salvation a person must humble themselves before God and acknowledge that they are a sinner in need of forgiveness from a Holy and Righteous God. It is a meek person who puts their total trust in the sacrifice that Christ Jesus gave, when he shed his blood on the cross for their sins. Not trusting in their own goodness or good works, is taking their own pride out of the equation. When a person does so, they are humbling themselves before God, and putting their total trust in Him. To be meek is to understand your position with God, coming humbly under his authority and plan.

Consider this Bible verse: "This is the on I esteem; he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word" Issiah 66:2. Each of these things mentioned in this verse are meek. To be humble is meek. To be contrite in spirit is to be repentant and sorry for your sins, and that is meek. When I tremble at God's word, I am walking under the authority of God and that is meek.
What about being meek in every day life? I think this is the tougher part.

Let's look again at words that describe meek. When studying this word in my Word Study Bible, I found these words to describe meekness: gentle, humble, considerate, courtesy, variant. I had to look up variant because it wasn't making sense to me in this context. Mr. Webster's dictionary tells me that variant means: something different from others of its kind. Now I get it! When a person is meek, they are different from others, it's not natural but supernatural!

I love to meet meek people and have them as a part of my life. There is a man who comes to my mind when I think of meek. Charles is a gentleman in the Sunday School class that Jeff, my husband, and I attend. Charles is full of Biblical knowledge and wisdom. When he speaks up to share during the class he doesn't promote himself, unlike another person who has a lot of his sentences that start with the word "I". No, Charles isn't about himself, he is about loving and serving Christ Jesus. He is a meek man and I love every chance I get to visit with him.

The Bible teaches to do to others as we would have them do to us. I need to treat others with meekness, just as I would want to be treated. I need to humble myself and consider not only my interest but also the interest of others. I would want others to be considerate and have courtesy with me, I need to do the same. I need to be mindful of others feelings and be gentle in how I respond to people. And right now,at this moment, I'm remembering that I need to even be gentle with my husband, and consider his feelings more. Ouch!

Now let me tell you, at times this is easy and other times I really fail, ask my husband. So for me, I will need to continually work on being meek. Praise God, as a believer in Christ, I have the power of the Holy Spirit to be meek. So, we will work on it together.

Jesus tells us that the meek will inherit the earth. What does it mean to "inherit the earth"? To inherit something means that you get to have something that belonged to someone else who is no longer living. So could this mean that the meek will get to have a future earth when this one passes away? I'm not completely sure what this means. Will I inherit the earth now if I am meek or will it be in the future? In 2 Peter 3:13 it is written, "But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness". I think part of the answer to my question is that if I am meek (remember that the most important act of meekness is toward God), I will inherit a new heaven and a new earth. Oh, what a reward!

I used to sing a song as a teenager at my church. Some of the lyrics are as follows: Make me a servant humble and meek, Lord let me lift up those who are week, And my the prayer of my heart always be, Make me a servant, Make me a servant, Make me a servant, I pray.

I have to be honest with you here. This is hard core stuff, so just give me a little bit more of your time. When I am at my happiest, when I am most fulfilled, when I have the greatest joy, is when I am serving another person for the glory of God. If being a humble and meek servant, as the song lyrics say is the prayer of your heart, then you will find that "sweet spot" in this life!

Marriage Can Be Hard Work

2010-01-10T23:19:00.000-08:00

Marriage is hard work.

I can think of 4 of my friends who have difficult marriages. One goes to counseling, one is on the verge of not trying too hard anymore and one has given up on trying. It's painful to listen to their stories and know of their heart aches.

Sometimes my marriage is difficult. When you take two people who are polar opposite and mix them with children and life stress you get difficult situations. I think we work very hard at working them out. Sometimes it feels very exhausting. But the benefits of sticking it out far out weighs throwing in the towel.

Something was laid on my heart today. Something that I really don't think of too often. What about committing to loving my husband? Why not make a vow renewal in my heart between God and myself? So I did. I committed to loving my husband. Yes, I've already done that when we got married, but let's be honest, when your young and in love you get married with a "what I want from being married" attitude. I want to change that and really work on respecting and loving my husband. I'm not admitting that I don't respect him or love him, I just want to focus on respecting and loving him and not focus on me all the time in regards to my marriage.

Yes, I have needs in the relationship and I don't plan on ignoring them. The thing is, the less I focus on me the less I worry about me.

When each of my boys were born into the world, my hearts desire was to take care of them and meet their needs. I loved them no matter what. I loved them even if they took all I had to give and then cried for more. Why is this the way it is as a mom and not as a wife? I know the relationship is different between mom and child and wife and husband and maybe that difference makes all the difference. But I have to wonder, if I took the same attitude of unconditional love that I have toward my kids and applied it to my husband would it make my marriage better? I think so. So today I'm recommitting, but this time with a new view on my marriage. Yes, there are things that I want for myself in our marriage, but I also want to give my husband what he needs from our marriage. I want so much for us and plan on sticking out the difficult times. My mother always said that love is a commitment. I agree with my Mom. I will add to her axiom, love is a decision to be acted upon!

Mourning, It's A Good Thing!

2010-01-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

Matthew 5:4, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

This has been a horse sized pill of a verse for me all of my life. How on earth could mourning be a blessing?

I think the first time I truly mourned was my freshman year in high school. Two girls who were in my sister's class (one year ahead of me in school), had been killed in a car accident. Another person who died from the crash was one of my friends sister. I mourned mostly for
the people who they left behind, who loved them and were torn apart by their death. This was an incredibly painful time. I didn't think any of us mourners were blessed.

I have never really understood this verse in the Bible and have only heard it explained one way. The way that I have heard it to be interpreted was that we are blessed when we mourn over our sin; when we have a repentant heart. I would agree with this.

I have been letting this verse roll around in my head for about a week now. How could it be that I would be blessed by mourning? Well, I know that I mourn over something that I have lost. A few things I have mourned over: I have mourned over family members that have died, I have mourned due to a young broken heart, I have mourned over foolish thinking that lead to sinful actions, I have mourned for other people's loss. How have these brought blessing to me?

What I could think of is that when we mourn we hurt, cry, and grieve. There is a letting go that happens when we mourn. We try and purge out our sorrow along with being brave enough to touch it and see just how deep the hurt is. When I mourn I realize how frail and needy I am. I realize my deepest needs; to be loved, cared about and to have people I love in my life. When I mourn I may be realizing my mistakes and wishing that I had done things differently, wishing that I had done them better. Mourning is very humbling. Mourning has shown me that the very fact that I have a deep, deep need in MY life, that everyone around me shares the desire to have their deep, deep needs met too. Mourning makes me really, really human and realize that everyone around me is too.

When I slowly come out of the depths of mourning and back into the land of the living, I have a sense of clarity of where I'm at in life and what I need. When I mourn I cry out to God and he proves himself faithful over and over again. He is my comforter. My relationship with him is deeper because I have been humbled and am aware that I have need and that he is the one to meet my needs. This relationship with the almighty God is my blessing. The mourning is a bridge that takes me from my everyday good life to the very heart and hand of God.

After a time of mourning, I seem to grow more compassionate. My heart sees the hurts and needs of others in a new light and I have a ready had to reach out because I have been there. I am more honest about life, how it can kick you in the stomach, and how God can take your hand and lift you up and heal you. I want to share with other people how great my God is. I want to be able to share how I am fragile, to be transparent so that others can be comfortable to share their mourning stories with me. My hearts desire is to encourage others and show them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, mourning isn't fun, it's one of the worst feelings and experiences of life. But just as a seed has to die underground before it can sprout and grow to bear fruit, it seems that we must mourn to understand where our true blessings lie.

Nobody wants to be poor......but it can be a good thing.

2010-01-04T22:34:00.000-08:00

Well, here is the first foot out the door on my journey. I will start with Matthew 5 and the beatitudes. I just had a thought pop into my head about attitude. Years ago I was in the office of our Women's Ministry Director at the church I attended at the time. She had a poster on her wall that talked about how important your own attitude was. It makes me think of the beatitudes, and how like an attitude, it can change your life for the better. You are the one who controls if you live by the beatitudes or not. The cool thing is that with each beatitude there is a blessing.

I think most people would chose a blessing over a curse any day, I know I would. I want a wonderful blessed life. The thing is that God's idea of blessing and what I think in worldly terms of being blessed are not walking hand in hand. God's idea is on the flip side of popular thought. I think we all know it is much easier to go with the flow than to travel up stream. But the thing is that if you are willing to travel up stream, going the way of God, that is were you find the true riches and blessings.

So here is the first beatitude: Matthew 5:3, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Hmmmmm........this doesn't naturally equate in modern day. I have been thinking about this one for a few days. I looked it up in a concordance and have thought it through too. This is how my thinking goes when I want to dig deeper to understand something....what is the opposite? What is the opposite of a poor spirit? A rich spirit. I think of having a rich spirit as having full confidence in yourself; you are all you need. I think as Americans we are taught that to be a self made man (or woman) is a badge of honor. To live up to your potential and be all that you can be are how we are bread around this great land. The problem I have with this way of thinking is that it has a foundation and center around self.

I want to take that thought above and now look at a poor spirit. A person with a poor spirit doesn't think he is worth nothing, but he knows he is nothing without God. The person with a poor spirit knows that there is a God, one true God, and that without him nothing would exist. The person with a poor spirit knows his relationship with God is found wanting and that his is separated from God because he has sinned and will sin again and can't live up to God's holy standard for him. He knows that there is nothing that he can do to fix his sin and make it go away on his own. A person who is poor of spirit must humble himself and seek what God will do to fix this situation of sin and separation. God will show this person that the answer that He has given to the problem of sin and separation from Himself is faith that Jesus Christ, that he took the punishment of every person's sin upon Him when he died on the cross. Faith that this is true is the bridge that fills the gap between what Christ has done to fulfill what God demands as payment for sin. A person with a poor spirit who realises that this is truth has thus entered into the Kingdom of heaven. To be in the Kingdom of heaven is to live from now through eternity as God as your King, the ruler of your life. Jesus thus becomes the Lord of your life, and you in your grateful state of being saved from separation from God, walk humbly following they way of Christ Jesus. This my friend is the greatest blessing that I could ever imagine!

Heavy On My Heart

2010-01-03T23:50:00.000-08:00

After talking with a close friend over the weekend, I have realized that I have experienced many different things over the past few months. Because of the way God made me, I internalized things and think deeply about them. I will move slowly on situations and take my time to figure out how I should react and try and figure out if my feelings about the situations are correct. Because of the mired of things that have been going on and my deep feelings, I have wanted to know how, in the light of my faith in Jesus Christ, I should be reacting to things around me.

I have it on my heart to journey through the New Testament in search of how Jesus lived his life, interacted with the people he encountered and what he taught in light of how we should live. Now don't get me wrong, I already know much of this. I have been a Christian for 33 years now. Yep, it was Christmas time when I was 6 years old that I decided to ask Jesus into my life. So this journey isn't because I have no knowledge on the matter, I just hunger and thirst for more.

I plan on posting about this journey. I want to post what I find and how the Lord has spoken to me. This is a personal journey, but I also want it to be one that I can share what I learn and hopefully inspire others to walk the way Jesus walked too.

I love my Lord with all my heart. When I am in a quiet place I have great plans of living for him. Yet, when I am out there, in the world, I find it difficult to always live the way my heart wants to. Also, I am often confused by the situations that go on around me that I have to deal with. I want to have a firmer base of knowledge, and the confidence to execute Christ like living!

Check back, I will be posting!

Drew wants his Grandma to see him as the "Young Santa"

2009-12-15T12:41:00.001-08:00

We are rocking out to Christmas music, as I am mixing cookie dough and

Drew comes out with a faux beard declaring himself to be the young Santa!

A Tale of Two Santas

2009-11-16T19:29:00.000-08:00

There is a wonderful place north of where I live, it is The Bass Pro Outlet. Directly south of freeway 12o in Manteca, Ca lies a delightful place to go where you can experience the outdoors indoors. I can't believe that there is such a place for this indoor girl who loves to be in the mountains! My three boys and I checked out the place a few months ago and I fell in love with it. When you walk in it looks like you have entered a grand lodge in the Sierra Nevada's, complete with a fireplace and heads of animals, once alive, on the wall. Then as you continue to the store you walk through a tree that is a replica of the Sherman Oak tree in the Sequoias. For anyone who loves to fish, hunt, boat, camp or the like, this is the mecca of all things needed to do any of these things. If you like to decorate with the lodge look there is a home decor area, if you like to wear traditional type clothing, they have it, or need sun glasses, guns, pocket knives or even have a hankering for fudge (made on site) they have it at the Bass Pro Outlet. To the back of the store you will find a very large fish tank with a waterfall dropping from the upper story faux rocks, into the tank. The sound is wonderful! Needless to say, I love this place!

As you all know Christmas time is fast upon us and stores like these always need Christmas help. I applied for a job a few weeks ago and got hired on!

There is a large section in the back of the store where the boats are displayed, that they have clear out for Christmas and replace it with a Santa Wonderland. In Santa's Wonderland you can write a letter to Santa, play with the slot cars, shoot at animal shaped targets, shoot toy Nerf like guns and fish virtually on a t.v. screen. If you are in the mood for a snack there are fresh baked cookies, fudge, candied nuts, popcorn, and other treats at the little red and white striped topped fudge shop. But for me the best part is the cute little log house where Santa sits in front of and families line up to get their picture taken with Santa. My job is to take their picture and I love it (the pictures are even free)! For those of you who know me personally, one of my many passions is photography. It can get crazy busy taking pictures with Santa and I'm sure that it will get wilder as each day moves us closer to Christmas. I love Christmas, people and especially children, so this is great fun for a job.

I have never had the opportunity before to really get to know Santa Claus. He has always been that man in the mall that I refuse to stand in line to see, especially when I have to pay tons of bucks for a quick picture. But this year it is different, I get to really get close to Santa. When the line of people has died down, Santa, along with the other gal that works at the computer and printer and myself have a chance to talk and wait for the next customer. Now the interesting thing is that their is a different Santa for the weekday and the weekend and they couldn't be more different than the ghost of Christmas past and the ghost of Christmas future!

I started working on November 8th with the first Santa. When things started to get slow and no one was in line to see Santa, I started to chat with him. He has a real beard, and long white hair, and is 53 years old and very easy to talk to. I started by asking him about being Santa and in the conversation he said he started being Santa for church groups. I'm always very brave in asking questions and gingerly asked if he was a Santa for his church. As we talked I found out that he was a Christian believer just like me and I was delighted. He rides a Harley and goes to a biker church. He said that he looked at being Santa as a ministry. He is very soft spoken, kind, gentle and meek. This man will be such a pleasure to work with through the holiday season.

My next day to work was the following Tuesday and I got to meet Santa #2. He was taller than Santa #1, also had a real beard and hair, and seemed more outgoing. Oh what a splendid adventure to meet two Santas! This man was very good with the kids and loved to engage them in conversation. This was a delight to the children visiting with him but not good for me when I was told that we needed to get more people through the line quicker. Once again as the night slowed down after the respectable bedtime hours, I got to visit with this Santa. The questions were the same as before, as I wondered about how he came to be Santa and yet the answers played out much differently. This Santa had a different view on life and sees things in terms of energy that we give off and the universe. He told me that he meditated before his Santa job and how he believes in the energy he gives off. I understand what he is saying but these concepts are foreign to me. It will be interesting to get to know him.

So far I have found this job to be a lot of fun and hardly feels like work. It has been a few years since I have had a paying job and have forgotten how the people you work with can be so diverse and bring so much into your life. I like both Santa's and think they both have such unique and wonderful qualities. I'm looking forward to working with both of they and getting to know them each.

Portfolio Photographs

2009-11-11T12:32:00.000-08:00

One of my passions is photography!

One of my other passions is people, I

love people, God's wonderful creation!

My desire is that my passions are visable

in my photography and that the people

being photographed feel loved and beautiful.

Everyone is loved by God and created with

their own beauty.

A Life That Touched Mine

2009-10-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

Click, Click.
Clank, Clank (tapping on the monitor).
Is this thing on? Hello, is anyone there?

Oh! Hi. It's been awhile, since I've been here.

I have thought about this place over and over. But my time at the computer has been short and sweet lately. I had a "sports injury" this summer and pulled a muscle in my butt region, that irritated my sciatic nerve, and sitting hasn't been the most comfortable thing. I can sit for awhile and then it all flairs up again.

I have had topics fly in and out of my head. Actually I wrote a very deep piece about the algae in my pool. I will post it later when I get it polished.

Today, it is windy and raining. Not just outside, but in my heart as well. My very dear friend is most likely going to loose her Mom today. She has been ill in the hospital for over a week and has been on life support. I haven't been able to speak with my friend, but today was suppose to be the day they take her off life support. How do you deal with something like that?

Her Mom was part of our neighborhood Bible study that the Lord allowed me to lead and teach. I love to teach, because I learn so much. My friends Mom came faithfully and shocked me that she wanted to hear a woman, younger than her, teach the Bible. She taught me that physical age and spiritual age are different. She had suffered a stroke years before and walked with a cane, walked slowly, and was very quiet. Here stroke took away from her life physical strength, but left her with a hunger for God (the type of thing that matters most in this life). Bad things that happen to us can actually leave us with more good than the bad it left us with.

Each person that comes in and out of our life has the potential to give us a piece of wisdom that will help us take the next step or have a greater understanding of something. Thank you Sharon for being apart of my life and being the Mother of my very special. Her life has touched mine in ways she may never know.

Sharon will be with Jesus, most likely, by the time you read this. Praise God, one of His own is with him in the presence of His glory!

**The picture at the begining of this post is honor and love to Sharon's four daughters. Please, pray for their comfort and strength during this time of greif.

Undressing Apperances

2009-07-15T14:19:00.000-07:00

A few weeks back I went to Best Buy to buy ink for my printer. The computer expert of the store was helping me and just by a few off topic questions that I asked him, he opened up and delighted me with a conversation. True conversations are hard to come by. What was so wonderful was that he didn’t just talk about himself, but when he did he was open and wasn’t just trying to paint the prettiest picture of himself; by this I mean he didn’t brag but revealed. The other side of a true conversation is listening to the other person and not dominating the conversation. He was a gentleman and listened. I could have totally missed this encounter by looking at his unconventional appearance (long rocker hair and strange shaving of his facial hair) or by not engaging him beyond the information I needed about printer ink. There are still jewels to be found out there, you just need to know where to look and what tools you need to dig them up.

About a month or more ago I was in Wal-Mart and went through the checkout stand. The gal on the other side scanning my items was heavily tattooed, had very long nails that were decoratively colored. She looked interesting to me, but not the type of girl that I would normally hang out with (I would be too boring for her type!). I started to ask her about some of her tattoos, and she replied to my questions. I mentions something about her nails and said that I was thinking of a question that I probably shouldn’t ask………….she said she knew what it was and that she got along just fine in that department . (*smile*) She also had some amazing old style of pins on her Wal-Mart lanyard and we talked about them, too. I could tell something about her just by observation, she was creative and artistic. So I asked her if she was an artist and her face lit up with a smile. How nice it must have been for someone to see what she was about. Isn’t it interesting how our appearance does speak something about yourself (well, except for my appearance when I get up in the morning, all that says is ugly)!

When we lived in Oregon, and now as we live here in Modesto, we are near a community of Mennonites. Jeff and I had attended a Mennonite church back in 1999 and Jeff graduated from a Mennonite high school, but these people are different. These are Mennonites who practice being separatist. The married women wear a uniform (a modest dress that is the same pattern for each of the women and a bun bonnet on the back of their up do hair style) and they really don’t engage with the people around them. I have talked with two of them here when I was at the grocery store, but they are not easy about their conversation with me.

At our current church, there is a gentleman in our Sunday school class who grew up in one of these Mennonite churches. He actually looks very Amish (he has an Amish beard). I don’t know his age but I would guess early 60’s. He is very warm, friendly and smiles when he talks. Jeff and I were visiting with him after class last Sunday and I asked him about the women I have been seeing. I had been very influenced by their Christian modesty and dedication to dress what they believed. The conversation with the gentleman from church revealed that even amongst these people there is still much controversy over dress. I look at the unity in dress and interpret it as unity in their assembly as well. Once again, you can easily miss something if you only look on the outside.

The bible says that man looks on the outward appearance but that God looks at the heart. We, as people, can easily have a preconceived idea about a person, positive or negative, due to their appearance. We know the old adage don’t judge a book by its cover. May I take the liberty to ask you to take the time to find out what is in the heart of the people you meet and the people you think you already know?

Yes, the people you already know may not be what you think they are or are no longer what they once were. Over the past eight years, I have walked through many trials and much change. My life experiences have greatly changed me. Of course I still have the same personality, but who I am deep inside has grown, and been pruned and will be blossoming until the day I die. I think it is so refreshing for someone to ask what I think or how I view something, with the intent of getting to know me. It really rarely happens; maybe some think that such questions are obtrusive. I like to ask questions of others to know them on the inside.

I would hate to have a wonderfully interesting book in my hand and never read it because I didn’t care for the cover!

Trials Come and Go, But God's Love Remains

2009-06-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

I was sewing on Thursday, and realized how nice life had been. My mind was at peace because life had finally calmed down and I couldn't think of any present trials. Ahhhhh.....that was what my heart felt.

Then I noticed how warm the room was and I went and check the thermostat. Once again, our A/C went out; this was about the fourth time since we moved here back in March. Three and one half months in a house and repeated problems, first with the heater and then with the A/C.

My husband was supposed to fly home from Chicago last night after being gone for 4 days. His flight was canceled, and since he was planning to turn around on Monday to go to Arkansas, he decided to stay. So that means no hubby for one week and no one to step in and give me a breather of my maternal responsibilities. I'm taking a nap once I post this, just to have enough energy for shopping at Winco on the weekend with my three boys in tow.

One thing I love to do when life gets stressful is to sew. I once had a physical therapist tell me to relax, he asked what I did that I enjoyed and my answer was sewing. I loved the fact that part of my physical therapy was to make time for relaxing by sewing. I could have kissed him for that (on the check of course)! Well, the kicker is, that amongst the stress of life this week my sewing machine has decided to malfunction. Now I can't even sew away my frustration.

I find it interesting that once I acknowledged how good things were going, things started to unravel. For some reason, my loving Lord, has been diligently working on patience with me. I didn't know that I was an inpatient person before, He must have seen me from a different angle (as he does with us all).

At the very least I enjoyed a few moments of ahhhhhh...................................

Life will always have its problems; it is the nature of living in a fallen world. The thing is, I am beginning to grasp that what are irritations and frustrations for us can be for our own good. God says in His word that His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. From his perspective he loves us so much that he wants the best for us and what is best for us is that we are formed into the image of his Son Jesus Christ. If it takes irritations, frustrations or even more intense things of life to form us to be patient, loving or forgiving like Christ then I can honestly say that it is worth it (and a bit more bearable from that angle).

The love of God is different than what love is in pop culture. His love is to bring us to himself. This is not a selfish thing on his part, it is what He knows is best for us.

If I have no A/C, no hubby at home, no break and no sewing machine I will live. But without God I have nothing and am nothing. I praise God for his great love and for supplying all my needs in Christ.

As I write this on Sat. I am enjoying having our A/C back, my hubby is getting a much needed R and R and I will be praying about getting a new sewing machine.

May God bless you in the good and bad of life, and give you eyes to see that the greatest blessing is in Himself.

Angst of Moving to a New City

2009-03-26T21:53:00.000-07:00

I am so happy! I love the house we have moved into. We all have room to move around without being on top of each other.

I am so overwhelmed (at times) and that makes me a bit obsessive and cranky. Moving is so much more than the moving day. Moving is so much more than unpacking boxes. Now, maybe if you move to a new house or apartment in your same town it is relatively simple. But moving to three different towns in three years gets a bit tiresome.

Once the furniture is in place and there are pictures on the wall (very important to me because I'm a nester) then you move on to the next phase. The next phase consist of restocking the fridge and pantry, getting enough t.p. in the house for the whole family, and remembering where you put everything so at any given time when your asked where something is you will have the correct answer. Phase three is all about the details. Every home has things that are peculiar and unique that it needs. Some homes need creative storage places, some homes need special window coverings and this home needs creative and special ways to hang decor, as to not ruin the freshly painted paneling. And with the details comes many trips to the hardware store and Target.

After you have created a place to do all your home stuff you must venture out and learn a whole new city. How to get around and find the basics is essential. You must find what part of town has all the cute shops and restaurants, what part of town do I avoid after dark and how do I get to these places or stear clear of these places; these are all part of moving.

Moving to a new city encompasses finding a new doctor for the kids, new eye doctor for me (because I need a new contact prescription), where is the walk in medical clinic (the one here is very hard to find), finding a new drug store, finding a doctor for me because it is that lovely time of the year for that dreaded physical. Oh, and not to mention, you have to find someone to cut your hair, and all the ladies reading this know that you don't want to make any mistakes in this department! Questions like this arise: where is the post office? where should we go to church this Sunday and what type of church are we looking to be a part of? where is the library? Do I have to bring proof of residence to get a library card? And since I have already had major car problems here....what tow truck company do I call? and where is a mechanic that I can trust? All of these things that I have acquired over many many years living in one place now need to be establish within weeks!

Then I must move on to getting caught up on all the bills, changing my address with all the bills, finding where my bank is, changing the address there and getting new checks, remembering what my address is! At least my phone number is the same!

This move has had it own unique challenge. Instead of enrolling the boys into school and doing all of these things when they are gone for the day, I have started homeschooling all three of them. Devin and I have been working together since his last school year. Jake came home for school last November and I was still working on figuring out how to teach two. Then after the move Drew is starting home school. It has been a bumpy start. The boys, on the most part, are very willing to do their work, but that is on the most part! There are tears, arguments over the work at hand and many squiggles and squirms. Each week I feel that I have made progress with them. But then there was yesterday, I was so overwhelmed with all the stuff to do, I just threw in the towel, so to speak, declared a no school day and got to the many tasks at hand.

I would love to be totally organized and to have a schedule, but why, I ask myself. My life has changed consistently in many ways over the past three years (I have lived in 5 different houses), all I can do is just keep the Postma boat afloat!

I wish that I had an extra day in my week, where time just stood still, like in those movies where everyone else is frozen and one or two people keep moving. Then at least I could work and get "caught up" without making a meal or dealing with a brotherly spat. Then after the one day stop action I would make life go again and sail more smoothing through it. Oh, a girl can at least dream can't she?!

I love my life! It has been a crazy ride. I told my husband when he married me that life would never be dull with me and I have kept my word :0). Where I'm at with the ages of my boys right now is wonderful and I wish I could just slow everything down and savor, savor savor!
My youngest son Jake has asked me the same type of question on two different occasions. He asked me what kind of job I would like to have. Really I'm doing the type of job I would like to have, and for that I am grateful and blessed. What would make the job so much sweeter is to "get to where ever we are going" (as my husband says) and settle down and put down roots.

One thing that has helped me through the loneliness of moving to a new area is Facebook. Yeah, I know I posted before that I got off of it and it wasn't for me. At the time I was hating watching other people be with thier friends and do stuff together.......I couldn't watch, it made me feel so lonely and like I was on the outside of life looking in. Now, I am really just enjoying reconnecting with some dear friends of my "girlhood" days, and keeping up with friends lives.

I'm just going to jump into the game of life while I live here, for however long I live here and when it is over, I will just pack my bags and move on. Moving to a new city is never easy. But then life is never easy for anyone any where. At least we have each other! Love to all my family and friends!

Bargain Hunting Leads to Faith Fuel

2009-02-11T23:32:00.000-08:00

I have a confession to make…..I am a self titled “Queen of the Bargain” and I’m addicted to finding the most cost effective way to do almost anything. I can’t just go out and buy something, I have to hunt and hunt, and do the math to find a way to get what I want for the best dollar value possible. It’s a bit thrilling to me. It’s not just getting the cheapest things (I really sorta hate the “Dollar Store”), no it’s about quality too.

Last night I was browsing my favorite bargain hunting site, craigslist.com, not because I need anything, but I am addicted to looking. I found something that really interested me. I have wanted to get a new set of dishes. Right now we have an eclectic mix of melamine, stoneware and the few pieces left from our wedding gifts. I would like to be able to set the table nice for dinner. What I found on craigslist was just what I wanted, a set of white dishes with a soup tureen, gravy dish, creamer, two serving bowls and another serving dish with a lid, cups and saucers all for $30! I couldn’t believe it! I called on the ad and made plans to go and purchase them today.

When I got to the home of the lady selling the dishes, I was greeted by Debbie, a women who was somewhere in her latter 50’s or early 60’s. She had me come in, to her home full of stuff. From our phone conversation I knew that she was helping a friend sell his things and assumed that a lot of the extra furniture everywhere was from him. She showed me a box of dishes and I agreed to buy them. I asked about some bowls I also knew she was selling and got 7 stoneware bowls for $5! I noticed sitting on a table near the dishes some lamps that I saw on another ad and asked if she had more lamps. She took me to another room and we visited as I looked at the lamps. I got a lamp for $5! I noticed up on her wall two different wooden plaques. One plaque had a picture of an older man with his head bowed praying and the other of an older woman with her head bowed praying. I told her that I like her pictures and that my grandma had the same pictures in her house.

After that she started to talk about prayer. Oh we had a wonderful conversation sharing about the power of prayer. She told me a story about her daughter who drove truck and who was in Iowa when there were really bad floods. She said that her daughter was driving near a river that was flooding and that the water from the river was very slimy. He daughter feared that the truck would slip and slide off the road. She called her mom on the phone to pray for her. Debbie said that she stayed on the phone with her daughter and prayed the whole time her daughter was driving through this dangerous area. He daughter told her that it was the most amazing thing. She could feel the wheels of her truck slipping but only to a point and they wouldn’t go past that point. She said other cars were slipping and swerving off the road, but not her truck! Wow! It is so amazing to here of God’s miracles.

Then, sorta out of the blue, Debbie told me that she prayed for a house for 20 years. She told me how she was living in an apartment and at one point her rent was going to be raised by almost $400. She knew that she was not able to afford the rent after that. She then moved in with her sister, which wasn’t a great situation. Her parents at that time where in bad health, her Mom had a stroke and her father was ill. Her father was diagnosed with Lou Garragain’s disease and she moved into her parents home to care for them. Her father died and she stayed to care for her Mom. She said that one day she was in her room crying and praying because she didn’t know where she was going to live after her mother passed. She thought that the home would have to be sold and split between her and her sister.

Her mother walked in and caught her crying and praying. Her mother inquired to what was bothering her. Debbie shared her concerned with her Mom. Her mother then told her that she didn’t have to worry about that because she was giving the house to her! Debbie said that her mother would have times after her stroke when she wasn’t well mentally and then times that she was. She said that God had given her mother just enough of a window of mental stability to prepare for her daughter to legally have the house after she passed and that there was just enough money in her savings account to pay for the lawyer.

She also told me that she had a specific list of things she had wanted in a house, she had been asking God, in prayer, for these things for 20 years. All the things she had asked for she received and even more! God had it all worked out and he is very good.

Debbie didn’t have her life paved out neatly before her. She didn’t have all the answers. She didn’t have money in the bank to make all of her dreams come true. But over the years of hardship and trials God was working out something much more precious than gold in her life. Debbie had the richest riches of all, she has faith in Christ Jesus, and she has hope and trust in God expressed in patient perseverance in prayer. Debbie also has a very rare and valuable gift to share and she freely gave it to me today. She gave me the gift of encouragement, fellowship and faith. Yeah, I got a whopper of deal on some dishes, stoneware bowls and a lamp, but the real blessing is what she gave away to me for free.

I drove away very full, happy and satisfied. As I was going home a passage in Scripture came to my mind. This part of Scripture has been puzzling to me for a long time. It is oxymoron of sorts:
James 2:5 says, “Listen, my dear brothers and sisters! Did not God choose the poor in the world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom that he promised to those who love him?”

It has been difficult in the past to understand that the poor of the world would be rich in faith. I have been slowly able to grasp its meaning. Debbie personified its meaning for me today. When a person has no means of their own to provide something that they need or want they have a few choices: 1) they can steal, 2) They can become bitter and unhappy, or 3)They can pray and ask God to provide and put their hope, trust and reliance in Him. If a person chooses #3, they are well on their way to becoming rich in faith. I am beginning to see that some of God’s richest blessings lay in the realm of our need. The things that are beyond our reach to get, the things that only he can give us are where His hand touches ours in a real and tangible way. Our eyes can truly see that “all generous giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or the slightest hint of change.” (James 1:17)

And what is the response to such perfect gifts that he gives? God wants us to respond to Him with thankfulness! We are to lift up a sacrifice of thanks to God. I encourage you to make it a habit to notice the wonderful gifts that God is giving you right now, and thank him.

Here is a simple example. I had dinner with a gal in Oregon and when she prayed she thanked God for the money to buy the meal. I commented after her prayer that I never heard anyone thank God for the money to buy their meal. She told me that there were times that her and her husband didn’t have much and from that she learned to thank God for the money to purchase her meal ; simple but very poignant.

I want to be more like Debbie. I want to go to God with every need and desire and I want to freely share all that he has given to me.

Lighten Up Already!

2009-02-01T22:52:00.000-08:00

In Genesis 1:3 and 4 it says:God said, “Let there be light.” And there was light! God saw that the light was good, so God separated the light from the darkness.

The Bible says that Jesus is the light of the world. In Sunday school as a little girl I would sing, "This Little light of mine". Light is from God. God created it! He created the sun and made plants to grow by the light of the sun and then placed man in a garden with plants. The sunlight is part of what plants need to grow and produce fruits and vegetables. On a sunny day we think of going outside and enjoying the sunlight.

Light is important to God and I have discovered that it is extremely important to me.

So, why all this writing about light? This over interest in light is due to the fact for the last 16 and 1/2 months I have been living in darkness. I have not been living in totally darkness, but it has been a dreary lack of light. In our little house there is a lack of light. I have often compared it to living in some one's basement. A few of you have visited me here in Lodi, in our oh-so-tiny house that is dim and dreary. One of my dearest friends has seen pictures and replied, "I see what you mean" to my complaints of my un-homey home. For those of you who know me well, I'm a very homey person. Don't get me wrong, I love to get out and about, but my home is important to me. Every single home that I have lived in, and it has been many!

I have been waiting-out living here, thinking that this would be very temporary and that we would possibly move with a job transfer for Jeff. We are still thinking that this could happen, but it will take some time, the right job and an offer; all of which are out of our hands and in God's hands. For the past two weeks I have been looking for a new place to live. I didn't feel I could continue in such a small place that was so dark. I look around the Lodi/Stockton area and just didn't find what I was looking for, for the price I wanted. I called Jeff last Tuesday, and started to cry, tears of frustration. He suggested looking in Modesto. I hopped right on that! I went to Modesto later in the day and looked at two places. The first place was too small and the other was more than I wanted to pay. I went home a bit discouraged, and with my oldest one thinking that I was too picky and that nothing would satisfy me. This was a good time for a good lesson for Devin. I explained to him that you have to know what you want and how much you are willing to pay for it and keep looking until you find it.

The next morning I jumped onto craigslist.com (if you haven't discovered this yet, you are missing out on the world of bargains!) Craigslist.com is a place that people advertise to sell stuff locally. There is other stuff on there (some not good) but you just search for the things you want. What I found was a house in Modesto that was at a great price and looked like what I was looking for. I went to look at it that day, and took Jeff back that night and................we are moving to Modesto!

That's right, everyone get out your white out, and cover up our old address and make room for a new one! We are here in the dungen....er....I mean, the old house until the end of February. Then off to Modesto we go!

This is a picture taken in the living room of the house we are at now:

Dark!Dark!Dark!

Ahhh......The Light Shines Through!

2009-02-01T22:24:00.000-08:00

I am here to say that God answers prayers!

I have been asking God for a bigger kitchen and

a bigger house. This is the house in Modesto.

I'm so excited, and I can't wait to decorate!!!

Respect and Grace

2009-01-17T23:13:00.000-08:00

Respect. It is an odd concept really. As children we are taught to respect our elders, our parents and our teachers. As young adults we know we are to show respect to our boss, our church leaders, and the police and the judge when we are called to jury duty. But then at some point in life respect gets personal.

When I was a young Mom, I think that the need for respect for myself was born along with my first child. There is something amazing that happens when you have a baby. Maybe this amazing thing doesn't happen for everyone, but I know that it happens to many. It is so amazing that you can know very little about how to care for a new born baby before you have one, and then when the baby is born something clicks within you and you are now in tune with your child and you are quick to understand his every need. At that point I think for me respect was born.

At that point in time and every since I have desired the respect of others. I didn't need to be place upon a pedestal and bowed down to, no it was something much more valuable than that. What I desperately needed was for the people close to me to respect that I had intuition and that I knew my child better than any other person and that I was doing the best for him.

We all have different styles of doing the same thing. I have worn my hair short most all of my adult life, when most other women have worn there hair long; we all wore hair but in different styles. My son, Devin, is really into music right now and his style is very important to him. I respect that we have a different style of music. Of course, I set parameters for him that his style of music has to fall into, but as far as the style he gets to pick what is right for him. Everyone has a different type of food they like. I have dined with someone that would put down what I liked to express her dislike of it. I have even sat across from someone that complained that the food I brought to a meal was too rich. We all have different taste and styles and should just respect that we are different.

Right now I'm doing something with two of my boys that I never ever thought I would do. I didn't choose to home school Devin, it happened out of a need that he had. I didn't seek it out, but I needed to do what was best for him, due to the circumstances that life had put us in. Out of respect for his needs, I decided to home school him. Right now I am very proud of him. I am proud of how hard he works, how he is learning to take good notes when he reads, and how he is starting to use critical thinking skills. And then there is Jake. My youngest son, Jake, just wasn't doing so well this year in school. He would come home very cranky and when it was time to do homework he was very frustrated. He had to do reading every night and was sent home with books that were too advanced for him to read, and he had it in his head that I couldn't help him.
He asked over and over again to be home schooled. It tugged at my heart to give him this but I didn't really want to give up what I had with Devin. But now I'm glad that I decided to do this with Jake too. He is reading at a progressively harder level and I'm really glad to be a part of that.

I hope that someday the boys will respect all that I have given up to spend this time with them. I was so looking forward to time at home alone, to clean the house and get stuff done during the day. Now the house stays messy and not all the things I want to do get done. That is all okay, because I will never ever get these years back. I would like to have this time with Drew also, we will see where God guides.

This all is a very different path than the way I grew up. But my family has very different dynamics than the one I grew up in. I lived in the same house since I was a baby. I went to the same church from infancy to my Jr. high years, then changed only two times and stayed at the second one until I met my husband. Sin was accepted as sin and not choice and personal preference. You never heard of the things happening then at school that happen now. I didn't really know much about what a gang was when I was Devin's age. My sister warned me about the "cholo" girls. So I quickly made friends with the "cholo" boys as a form of insurance! So many things that are normal in the lives of 13 year olds now, we only heard about when I was 13 (and they always happened to people we didn't know who lived far away in bad places).

Maybe I'm overprotective. Maybe I'm smart. Living so close to Stockton, Ca puts a different spin on the way I make decisions for my boys. I have often thought to myself "We're not in Kansas anymore".

So what does all this have to do with respect. I think if I could speak for mainstream Mom's we all want respect. My sister has a beautiful way of expressing this, she calls it grace. Grace for people that we don't agree with, or maybe grace for people who God has called into a different direction than he has called you (and this doesn't cover choosing to go outside of his revealed Biblical will).

I was at the only woman's retreat that I have ever gone to and the speaker said this, "Be women of grace." That to me is a wonderful admonishment to all Christian women. I want to give grace in areas that I do not understand. I want to respect my sisters in Christ, trusting them when they tell me they are seeking God, and praying that God will guide them.

It is life blood to encourage and support your sisters in Jesus. I have many friends that do that for me. Oh, that I may do the same for them!

A wonderful baking day!

2008-12-23T22:14:00.001-08:00

What a wonderful day. I stayed home most all

of the day and did something I love to do: bake.

In and out of the oven came Christmas tree

shaped sugar cookies, cinnamon rolls and

Norwegian Christmas Bread. Yesturday my

kitchen saw Chocolate Chip Cheesecake bars

and Almond Paste Cake. Tomorrow I plan

to finish up with Chocolate Biscotti!

One of my favorite things about this time of the

year is making all of these yummy treats. Also,

I love to share them too. Jake and I took a

little drive out to the West side of Stockton to

deliver cinnamon rolls to a new friend. I met

Michelle in the homeschool group and was

instantly drawn to her when she said she has

five boys. With two boys already in college,

I knew she had some experience under her

belt. A few months back we met for dinner

and it was so nice to have someone to just

share life with. I told her today that she has

been an oasis in this desert time of my life.

The boys are so excited about Christmas.

They keep asking what is on the menu.

Drew did a happy dance in the middle

of the living room tonight. Devin is planning

on staying up late tomorrow on Christmas

Eve, so that he will be able to easily fall asleep.

And my Jake, he confessed tonight that he

is really just excited about the gifts and not

really about Christmas being about Jesus.

I assured him that it was okay, and that

for a six year old it is normal to be excited

just about the gifts. I told him that when

people are older they think more about it

being about Jesus.

If I could, I would get a gift for every one of you.

Your gift would be something that you have been

longing for. The price would not matter, just that

your gift would delight you and bring you joy!

I love giving gifts at Christmas, the surprise, the

wrapping, ribbon and bows. I hope that each of

you will have a special gift this Christmas!

Enjoy the day and don't worry about any of the

calories!

Love,

Deanne

2008-12-21T19:18:00.000-08:00

Facebook, Gingerbread House, Christmas Gifts

2008-12-21T18:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, I was a short term Facebook junky. It was lovely at first, but then it sucked me in, and due to my oversensitivity to the outside world, it was having a not so good effect. I think I'm not normal and have a intense internal response to news of any kind. My husband caught wind of some of the status post and didn't like what he saw. He wanted me to end my Facebook substance abuse and so I complied. Of course I miss it and want to know what everyone is doing, but it is much better for me (no judgement on anyone else) to keep to my own business and not compare my simple life to anyone else. I'm more content living that way.

Gingerbread, it is such a delight of Christmas time for me!! When I was somewhere around 18 or 19 I made my first gingerbread house. It has been a long time since I have made one, due to the fact that there has been many years where little hands would have gotten involved and I would have been frustrated! So this year I let the boys decorate gingerbread cookies days before and then when I went to make the gingerbread house they we're not allowed to help. This house was made as a gift for Drew's teacher. For the first time I made windows out of hard candy and then set the house one a base with a hole in the bottom and inserted a battery operated candle. So with the candle inside it looked like there was a warm fire in the gingerbread house! His teacher loved it and I was thrilled!

Jake was so excited about Christmas gifts this year. He wanted me to wrap gifts as soon as the Christmas tree went up. In years past I would wait close to Christmas to wrap the gifts, so they wouldn't be tempted to sneak a peak. As they got older I would wrap the gifts and then assign fake names to the gifts, so that they wouldn't know which ones were theirs. But this year I trust them and they have gifts under the tree with their names on them.

Today, Devin told me that I shouldn't have put gifts under the tree so early on. What? He said it was to hard to wait so long. This cause me to think, as many things that they say causes me to think. God often gives me glimpses when my children say things.

When we put gifts under the Christmas tree and make our children wait to open their gifts until Christmas morning it is so hard for them to wait. Did you know that you can store up gifts in heaven? Yep, that is right! The Lord has rewards in heaven for his children, waiting there for them when they get there!! Wha - Hoo! These are eternal treasures, not just delights that will fade months, even days after Christmas. Jesus tells us to store up treasures in heaven. Good works store up treasures in heaven. I wonder if sacrifice and obedience stores up treasure in heaven too. Just having Christ now is a treasure enough, but there is more, much more!!! Doing good works, having to sacrifice now and obedience has it's rewards now here on earth, I can't imagine what the rewards will be like in heaven! Our biggest gift will be to continually be in the presence of the Lord. I hope my rewards will include endless resource to do the things that I wasn't able to do here on earth (like, redecorate my house in different motifs)! I also hope that I get to ride a zip line across some beautiful raven (with no fear, but all the rush)!

I am so excited for Christmas! As a parent I have chosen gifts for my children that I know they will love. I can't wait to see the delight in their eyes and feel the joy they feel. If I know how to give good gifts to my children, I know that God will do an infinitely better job than me!

To all who read this blog:

Merry Christmas!!!!

Christmas Cookie Decorating

2008-12-14T16:16:00.001-08:00

Christmas Cookie Decorating

2008-12-14T16:00:00.000-08:00

Last night was the night of Christmas Cookie decorating! Yeah, what fun and what a mess! What the pictures don't show is the aftermath of cookie decorating. We were up to 10:00pm and the 2 out of 3 boys had melt downs and my voice was not all nice and sweet. I'm not sharing this because I'm proud of it, but I'm telling you because if you just saw the pictures you would think everything was wonderful. Pictures are great, but don't tell the whole story, just the part of the story that we want to share!

New Phase, Lost Days.

2008-11-28T20:39:00.000-08:00

I have entered into a new phase of life today. It is official, I am now the mother of a teenage son! His birthday was not only a celebration for him, but sort of a right of passage for myself also.

Just recently, I held this heavy not so little baby in my arms, and looked at him with amazement. And then he began to walk and talk. This little boy was a handful for me. He tested my strong will with his own. He started school, learned how to ride a bike, and played with the neighborhood boys. And then all of the sudden life changed for our family, and our lives including his was turned upside down. We moved away from "home" and moved again. Within a day I decided to take a leap of faith, trust God's prompting, and homeschooling him. We had not even a year of working together at home building our relationship and then Jr. High Youth group happened. A girl was interested in him and he in she (I wasn't ready for that) and now we are here.

I heard that they grow up fast and now I believe it. This day I look ahead at 12 years of living with a teenage boy in my house (if God wills). That's right, I have already done the math and it will be 12 years straight that we will have a teenager living among us.

I'm sure that these years will be full of many things, joy, sorrow, laughter, anger, tears, and many other things! I can't even imagine how God will grow me and change me through out these years. I'm so much stronger than I was the day I gave birth to my first son. I think I understand life a lot better, yet there is so much I do not know.

I look forward to watching my boys grow into men. I look forward to the people they will bring into my life and the opportunities to learn from them and hopefully love them with the love of Christ!

Jeff and I long to get to the place in life where we will be settled. I know that we have had so many changes and moves and it doesn't seem normal to most. We have tried to follow God's leading, with prayer and seeking. We do not believe that Lodi, Ca is home for us. It is extremely difficult to live in limbo and at times it has really depressed me. There must be something here that God wants me to learn and grow from. One thing that I am realizing is that it is essential to the health of a Christian to have good loving fellowship with other believers. There must be prayer together, building up and encouragement, reading the word together and other spiritual disciplines. We are not meant to walk through this world alone. I haven't experience this type of fellowship here and I have suffered the loss of it.

I was going to join a Bible study at church but the times they were offered didn't work with homeschooling Devin and there wasn't anything for my other two during the evening one. The church we have committed to doesn't fit us, but we need to stay for Devin's need for stability at this time of life. I have also not wanted to get too involved, because I'm tiered of saying goodbye to people I love. For now I am experiencing the loss of fellowship, and it is painful.

Why else am I here? I am learning that things really don't matter but there is something that really matters to me. What really is important to me is to have a home that is full of light, and has beauty. Home is extremely important to me. I am longing for a place to stay and make home. Of course home is wherever my "boys" are but I need a home that I can nest in.

Lastly, for now, is...........I need my husband. We have had a year that has been very different than any other in our marriage. His new job has had him travel a lot and that means time away from each other that leaves a disconnect. The disconnect leaves a hole in me. He knows me better than anyone and I need his friendship.

So in a nut shell, Faith, Family and Friends! I need my faith and I need to share it in fellowship with family and friends. This is what I am longing for and praying for. I'm going to need all of these to support the next twelve years, as I live my life with all the issues of teenage life. Will you help me with your prayes and ask God to give me a stable home base, a body of believers to fellowship with and more time to be with my husband!

The Emmys, The Grammys, and The Suzies!

2008-10-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

Awards Ceremonies, I find these events very interesting. The ones on T.V. are so strange to me. The people who make entertainment for the masses, award themselves on their work. They also promote their own fame and acceptability by awarding their own kind. Then there are the pointless award ceremonies that truly puzzle me, like the one I attended last Spring for school volunteers. Yep, the school district put on a nice BBQ lunch for us volunteers, and then as we sat out in the blazing heat as they proceeded to call out our names so that we could go up to the front of the crowd to receive a certificate of appreciation. I don't know about anyone else in the crowd, but really, I didn't need a piece of paper for all my volunteer work. I volunteered because I wanted to be involved in my child's class. I just really don't get the ceremonies.

I do have to say that if we are going to have these crazy ceremonies when need to make one up to honor women who are caring for others, and could be called the Suzies! I think that these should be local gatherings, among friends. We should give accolades to our own friends and family. We should all dress up, have it at a restaurant (so that no one will have to cook or clean up), and make it a dessert only so there will be no quilt in eating it!
Here are some of the awards that should be given:

Best Woman who travels well with children

Best Supporting Wife

Mother of Multiples

Best Creative Mom

Best Entrepreneur Mom

Best Woman Caring for an Elderly Parent

Best Mother Caring For a Special Needs Child

Best Woman Who Shows Hospitality in a Messy Home

Best Woman Who Cares for the Invisible People

Best Woman Who Is A Single Mom

And I'm sure there are many, many more awards that could be given. Every one should be given an award. These ceremonies should go on annually and different awards given out each time to avoid someone always getting the same award. The actual awards should be something that could be sat on a shelf so that the recipient could see it as a daily reminder that she has been acknowledged! We need to build each other up and praise other women for how they serve and sacrifice!

I want one of these awards!! I want the one for traveling well with children!! We just got back from a road trip. I realized as we were flying down highway 99 that over the past two and a half years we have traveled home by train, plane and automobile! We started out the trip with Devin in sever pain, he has strep throat. He didn't want to be traveling today, but I gave him more pain meds and made him take a throat lozenge. He fell asleep part of the trip. He had his feet up on the dash board and he was leaning back in his chair. It reminded me of when he was a baby in his car seat (same position). Oh, how did the time fly so fast! That was the nice part. Then there was the, "I've gotta go pee," and the, "When is lunch?".
We stopped two times before we were even in Fresno! It's nice to not be in a hurry. Of course Mr. Pig-Pin made a disaster out of the back seat. I had to get the shop vac out and clean up back there. It was a great time away, but it is always great to get home.

Mommy Musings

2008-10-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

Can you change the name of your child when he is six years old? I have told Jeff that he is the embodiment of his own mother. This child defines persistent! My mother-in-law would not take no for an answer and would ask you something until she heard you say yes. This is just like my Jake.

And then there is my side of the family. My roots are very humble. My grandfather on my Mom's side could have been part of the story in the novel, The Grapes of Wrath. I want to preface what I'm about to say with a clarification that my side of the family are not pig-slop-slobs, we are just more relaxed about life and know that in good time we will get to what needs doing.

This is where Jake's new name comes in. I think that I should have named him Jethro! That child is a slob, in a "hillbilly" kind of way! Now mind you I'm very relaxed in my style. I let the kids eat in the living room. Partly because the kitchen table is the central working place of our tiny abode, and is often full of projects. If there is a bowl left in the living room, it is Jake's. I looked for something in the car tonight and Jake had left two pairs of shoes and a shirt in there. He cannot get it through his head that the hamper is for dirty clothes. And yes, I repeat this over and over, "If it's clean hang it up, if it's dirty put it in the hamper". I had to have him get his Popsicle stick and water bottle off the front drive tonight. He uses his shirt as a napkin.

It is strange what you get when you mix Dutch blood with Okie blood, it is a mix of formal and tradition with fly by the seat of your pants! I think Jake has more Okie blood running through his veins.

I don't know if being the baby of the family is the reason for his pig like living. Maybe I'm just so sick and tiered of repeating myself to no avail!

I have given up sorting the toys, no one cares if star wars guys are with star wars guy, other than me. Actually when the toys are all mixed up, they get really excited when they discover a new toy at the bottom of the box.

I took this child to go garage sale shopping on Sat. We had a great time. We got doughnuts and milk, we found treasures and just enjoyed time together. He also went grocery shopping with me the same day, and spent the rest of his money on two boxes of fruit roll ups. Yeah, yeah, I know I spoil this little boy.

When he has wanted something in the last few days he tells me that I got stuff for his brothers and not him. Oh, boy, was I quick to remind him of the truth.

So the other day, as we were driving, my little thinker in the back seat was asking me about the girl he was going to marry. He wanted to know if the girl he would marry should be a Christian. I told him that she needed to love Jesus first then him. We have been talking a lot lately about dating and marriage in our house. Devin, my oldest, is nearing 13 years old and I want to have a game plan about "dating".

When talking with another mom, who has two teenage girls, she shared with me her values and views on courting. Oh, how wonderful courting sounds! Courting is about getting to know a gal, when you are near or already at the point in life when you are actually ready to get married. Courting involves the parents, the gal and the guy. It is based on the relationship of the two individuals, who are looking for the right mate in life. I'm not totally against dating, but I spent a lot of time being love lorned when it really didn't amount to much. I have fun memories and have suffered from a broken heart. I really don't want the boys to suffer from a broken heart nor break a heart.

A big goal of courting is purity! I want this for all three of my boys. They are growing up in an immoral sex saturated world and I want them to field the bombs that are set before them.

Devin has some girls at youth group who want to have him over for lunch. Oh boy, I'm going to have to make up some rules. He said that some girl liked him and he told the girls he was talking to about this. He said that he told them he couldn't take the girl out because he had no money and his Mom wouldn't let him. A high school girl who helps in Jr. High and I have befriended said that maybe if she talked to me he could go out with her. I laughed my head off!!!! A 17 year old girl talking me into letting my son "go out" with a girl. For crying out loud he is only 12, why on earth would I want to get that started? Crazy, crazy, crazy!

Drew has always loved girls. I have said that he will need to go to trade school so he can get done and get a job and get married. But he has toned down. He is really into reading right and I love it!! We were waiting for Devin to get out of youth group tonight, and I was just really enjoying his company. He brought up how where we were sitting seemed like a ship, so we started talking and I told him that when he was older we should take a cruse together. I just really love being with Drew, he is very laid back and we can be together and not even talk and be totally at ease!

Argh, I was always boy crazy! I wish my boys were not so much like their mother when it comes to the opposite sex. Why can't they be like their father and just be afraid of girls?

Normal Life for Me

2008-09-01T21:40:00.000-07:00

We have two track lights in our kitchen/dinning area. One of the lights is over the table and the other is over the kitchen area. They are nice modern track lights in the midst of our very old fashion kitchen. I have had to replace the bulbs, five per track, and they are expensive. Since the first time I replaced one of the bulbs, they are weird two pronged things, the tracks will intermittently go off on their own. This is frustrating, to say the least. Last night I decided to make macaroni salad, and have it sit in the fridge, to have it ready for dinner tonight. Well, both tracks decided to go out, and I just had to quit and leave the kitchen. I turned out the light switches so that both tracks could cool down. This is only one of the many fun things about this house.(Hear the sarcasim?)

It is not unusual to have a total house black out. If the air conditioning is going and I'm running either the dryer or the washer and then turn either the stove or the dishwasher on it's a sure bet the power will go out. It used to freak the boys out, but now they just shout to me, "Powers out!". I then walk through the back yard to the landlords house and flip the switch and go on with life.

Today, was like so many others, just one more frustration and obstacle to overcome. I never have had enough kitchen cupboard space here. Often I just get frustrated and clean out a few things and give them to Goodwill just to make room for the things I have to have. Today was one of these types of days. The main storage downstairs, other than a bedroom closet, a broom closet in the laundry, and the few kitchen cupboards, is the closet under the stairs that we can access in the laundry room (the room you have to go through to get to the bathroom). I have already taken stuff out of a kitchen cupboard to transfer to this closet and go to the closet to find the door closed and locked! This door stays open for an easy access to the storage and now it is shut and locked. Of course no one has the key and the screws on the knob are located on the inside of the door. I try with no avail to break in and finally realize that I'm in obsessive problem solving mode and I just need to give up!

The solution to many successive problems is to just get out the house. The boys have been couped up for a couple of days now and we just had to go somewhere that they could run and move around and have an open sky to be under. We packed up and got in the car and headed to the Sacramento Zoo. It was a really nice zoo. I'm not a real zoo/animal person, but I really enjoyed getting out with my boys and doing something different and fun. Animals are really amazing once you slow down long enough to look and observe them. I sure hope we have animals in heaven, tame ones that we can play with!

The animals were not the most interesting part of the Zoo. It was really interesting to be a Mom without a stroller, I have totally pasted that time of my life. Relief and sadness come from being past the baby stage. It's funny to be on this side of baby and toddler hood and have those nostalgia looks and feelings toward people who are there right now. It's also intersting to see families together and see how in some family there are some real domanite genes. Then there are the people who are there as couples, maybe not married maybe so, but in that "love" stage of life. The human race is so interesting to me, it's like we are all travelors, some have just gotten on the trian of life, others are seasoned rideres and others will be getting off on the next stop. We all have an important part....in someones life. We all have the ability to affect one another, either positively or negitavely. We get to choose so much and so much is chosen for us.

And then there was the bearded lady. Yeah, I know you had to read that sentance over again. We were walking toward a new area, and there was a couple who sat on a bench, the man with his hand on the woman's leg. I just kept staring at her. Could it be? Now I'm looking with my eyes crossed over to one side, so that I couldn't be seen staring. It really did look like she had a growing beard. I hope I was just seeing a shadow.

Okay, now on a different note. My Jake, he is so special to me. At dinner, after I'm done eating and his food still on his plate, he lookes at me and says, "This is my prayer," as he looks down on his food. I don't get it and say something like, "What?" He tells me he is like an animal and this is his prayer. OH, now I get it. So I tell him that it would be his prey. He cracks me up so often. When I was pregnant with him, God told me that he was blessing me by having him. I think of that so many times that I'm cracking up over him.

So here I sit writing in the simi darkness of Jake and Drew's room. We have this new night time ritual of me coming up stairs with my laptop and playing them music from a radio station on iTunes radio. Before all was settled, I needed to get Devin a blanket, and Jake had already been given the one Devin wanted. I went and got another blanket to trade out with Jake, the one he had was larger and it only made since for Devin to have the larger one. Jake had wrapped himself up in this blanket and yelled "No, I want this one". Okay, those were fighting words for me and I hollard back that he had to give it up and I would trade him the other one. He persisted that he needed to have that blanket. Devin said he would take the other one and once agian Jake has won by his strength of will. I sat down on his floor and started iTunes and then got to writing this blog intry. Wouldn't you know that the little stinker is lying there peacefully asleep with no blanket on him what so ever! It made me think, how as people we hold onto somethings so tight and just insist that we have to have it for ourselves, get it and then don't even need it. I'm learning a lot right now in my life about need. Living in such a small space I am finding that the less I have the easier my life is. Letting go of stuff and having less to manage (and someday move agian) is such a lighter load. Hmmmm, little Jake peacefully asleep not clutching onto a thing, me living peacefully with less.

Of course, I want more, that is human nature. The beauty of right now is that I can clearly see that happiness isn't in the more of life. Happiness is in having dinner with my husband and children, going someplace new, and just having them healthy and around. I want my life to be about more, just not more things, but the real more of life. More time with family and friends, more laughter over the silliness of living, more embraces and kisses, more of Jesus, more of knowing Him and following Him and resting in Him!

Jake is Home!

2008-08-10T19:38:00.001-07:00

We have found Jake a new home!

We joke that he is a monkey!

First Grade is Hard

2008-08-10T19:29:00.000-07:00

Jake started first grade two weeks ago. He was a bit taken with the fact that he now had to go to school for 6 hours. This is a lot longer than kindergarten. Last Wednesday night I went to "Back to School Night" and spoke with his teacher. She told me that he thinks he can't read or write (he does both very well for his age). I figured in comparison to his brothers, he must feel like he can't do much academically. A few nights ago he fell asleep on the couch and I found him just like this. Maybe he is trying to figure out how to make it successfully in this new world of academia!

Target Date

2008-08-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

My littles guy, Jake (6), has been trying to get me to take him out for days now. I have been resisting him. Being home with my oldest, who is sick with the flu, has taking a lot of my attention and nurturing and by the time night comes I really don't want to go out to do something. But it then dawnedd on me that because he kept asking for this it must be something he really wants and needs. So last night we hopped in the Trooper and left home base.

As we were driving, I asked Jake what he wanted to do. To my surprise he said, "Let's go to Target and get popcorn and soda and candy." Wow, now that was esay, I thought he would want to go for ice cream or something more fancy than this.
I asked if he wanted to sit and have the popcorn or go look at toys. We decided we would get the snacks and go and look at toys, and that I would pick up a magazine so that I had something to look at while he oogled over all the toys that he could dream of having. We walked up to Target walking hand in hand just talking.

This little guy is starting to really develop the craft of talking, like his mother has. He is loaded with questions and gets quite philosophical and theological when driving in the car. I need to remember to get out of the house and go somewhere with this boy.

We enjoyed our popcorn and soda and looked at toys and I really enjoyed it being about him. I have read the book about people having different love languages and have found that the very thing that I need to feel loved is difficult for me to give; time. My littlest one needed my undivided attention and my time. And you know that this really blessed me too. I so want to be close to my kids and develop a real relationship with them. Relationship takes time, attention and giving and taking. I hope that I can also teach my boys to give what others need in a relationship. Oh sometimes it overwhelms me all that I want to teach my boys. One day at a time, one day at a time.

Feedback

2008-07-30T22:22:00.001-07:00

Ok, I already have gotten three responses from the Mother job blog. My own Mum said to run like hell! Mom doesn't swear often......I couldn't handle something like this. I sorta already know that, but I wish I could be a superhero and rescue people from the hurt and pain, and show them love. How I wish I could give everyone Jesus, and have them see how real he is and how he has the power not only to forgive sins but to heal also.

Switching gears a bit here, I have done a lot of thinking lately about faith. I have had a person very dear to my heart, share with me about their own uncertainty about faith issues. I did some research on other faiths. It seemed to me that other faiths are focused on people, wether it about good karma, or reaching higher levels, the focus is on people (created things not the creator). I discovered something (I'm sure that it isn't something that only I have discovered). Christianity doesn't focus on people but on God. The story of the Bible is about God's love, his desire to bring people who have rebeled against Him back to Him. God is glorified not people. Believing in Christ Jesus death and Resurrection as God's way of having your sins dealt with and submitting to him as Lord and having a real living relationship with him, doesn't come by intellect. Of course you want to use your brain to understand what Jesus is all about and to see if he is a liar, lunatic, or Lord. But when it comes down to where the rubber meets the road, it is about faith. Faith is the conduit that jumps you from unbelief to belief. Faith is a personal journey between God's wooing you and your answer to that call. I can share what it all is to me and what the Bible says, but I can't argue anyone into believing all that I am telling them. Even though I want to be a superhero and save the world, I have to remember that the world doesn't need me to be a superhero, they need Jesus, he is the Super Superhero. He is the ultimate superhero. He is the only one who can save us from ourselves, from our selfish destructive living. I can't save a foster kid, or a friend, or anyone for that matter, only God can. I can live, only by the power of God, a life that shows the people in my life, Jesus. May God keep working on me, weeding all the selfishness out of me and make me more and more like Christ. Christ Jesus is the only one who can save a life.

Mother Job

2008-07-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

Much to my chagrin, I am on the hunt for a job. The current economic struggles has hit the Postma family and we are in need of more bucks. Darn it!

Jeff, found an ad on craigslist, and thought it would be a good job for me. The job is one of a "child care worker" at a teenage all girls group home. Okay, I had my doubts from the start, but have an altruistic desire to help people and be a good influence, so I applied.

I got a call the very next day, not even 24 hours later, and the owner of the group home didn't even see my resume yet. This should have told me something. I agreed to an interview the next day at 9:30AM. I'm strange and find interviews interesting and sorta fun. Maybe it is because it is the only time it is totally appropriate to talk about yourself!

So as I'm driving to the interview, I begin to think, is this safe? I'm going to a home in North Stockton (I have a very negative view of Stockton all together)could this be an internet scam, you know the kind where they lure you in with a job interview and then kill you? So I begin to pray and ask God to tell me if this is a bad idea. He says nothing, so I proceed ahead.

At the door of the house, I wait, after I knocked and then ringed the doorbell. A lady answers and looks at me with a look of "Yeah, what are you doing here." For a second I think I'm at the wrong house, then tell her I'm here for an interview. She lets me in. I sit at a dinning room table and start to fill out an application. The owner of he group home comes to the door, enters, and then greets me after talking to the lady I met at the door. Everything is casual and business like and I feel safe and just fine. The interview starts with me asking about the group home and the owner tells me all about how it started, funding of this non-profit organization and the like.

Then the conversations gets good. He starts to talk about the nitty-gritty of the down side of the job. Well over the phone he tells me these are good girls and they are high functioning, they just need a Mom. At the interview he tells me that they will curse me out, his language during the interview is peppered with words I would not teach my children to utter. The girls go on outings to the park, movies and the mall, ect. I would have to make sure they aren't drinking or going into the bathroom with their boyfriends and doing whatever it is that you do with you boyfriend in the bathroom (I'm sure taht my imagination isn't even hitting the tip of the iceberg). Red flags are popping up everywhere at this point.

He asks me a good interview question, "Let's say, your partner(a.k.a other female "Mom" child care worker) has been bitching with another girl all day. It's the end of the day and she is in the back of the house with the girl and they start going at it girl style. I'm in the kitchen washing dishes with another girl and I'm hearing the commotion in the back. The other girls in the house are all congregating in the back of the house to see the show that the other woman and the bitchy girl are putting on. The other woman has lost her professionalism and has "lost it" and is cusing out the girl."

Wow! That is the whooper of all interview questions!!! My answer. I would tell all the girls that are gawking at the verbal cat fight to flee the scene. I would tell my partner to go take a brake and then wait for the girl to cool off. Then I would go to the girl and talk to her to see her side of the story, then go to my partner to hear her side of the story. After hearing both out, I would offer to take over the issues with the girl for the rest of the day and keep them separated.

This all sounds like chaos to me. Part of me was pulled to wanting the job, so that I could be a sane loving person, to help these girls. The other part of me said, "You are not thick skinned enough to deal with that kind of stuff".

I'm grieved that peoples lives are so messed up.

When I was a teenager I wanted to be a nurse, so I thought volunteering as a Candy Striper would be a good way to see what it was like to do something in the hospital. I hated that I couldn't go around and pray over the patients and have God use me to make them well. It seemed to be such a huge responsibility, and it freaked me out.

I would love to be someone to go into a group home and turn around the lives of everyone there, for the better. But change is hard and slow, and I can't even begin to understand the lives of people who have lived in chaos and that is all they know.

So I drove away from the interview wondering if I could actually work in a situation like that. Would I survive, would I be able to make a difference, or would it eat me alive? I wish that I was tougher and thicker skinned, but I'm a Pollyanna who likes to think that all is good in the world and could cure any ills with a warm batch of chocolate chip cookies (I know this isn't true)!

I'm curious, for the people who know me well, what do you think, could I handle a job like that?! This will be interesting if you care to answer!

A Great American Idol Concert!!!!

2008-07-04T16:39:00.000-07:00

I am not one to have too many out of the ordinary opportunities. For some reason, unknown to me, God has for me a simple life. I would love to travel and experience the world like some are able to do, but instead I am challenged to be content with where I am at. I look forward to heaven, and living in the new earth as the Bible tells us that God will create. I'm hoping to see the whole earth, after all I will have eternity! Thus said, opportunities for out of the ordinary in my life are much loved.

My husband had American Idol tickets to use as incentives for the stores that he works with for his job at Kellogg's. Fortunately, he was not able to give away 5 of the tickets and we were able to go to the American Idol tour in Fresno, CA last night!

For the past three years the boys and I from January to May have religiously followed the show. The first time (2006 season) was thrilling and confusing, not understanding why the judges were so hard on the contestants. The year after that (2007) was less interesting because nothing could beat the first time we watched and the talent wasn't as good, in my opinion. This year was a blast! The night the show had the top 24 performers, the boys and I chose who we thought would win, one guy and one gal. I told them that if their person won they would get a prize, the prize ended up being $10 (a lot of money for the boys)!

For my two contestants I chose, David Archuleta and Brook White; Devin chose: David Cook and Amanda Overmyre (Devin is 12 and into Rock music); Drew chose: David Archuleta and Shyesha Mercado, and little Jake chose: Jason Castro and Alaina Whitaker. All of these people except Jake's gal was at the American Idol Tour last night. We picked good!!!

For the boys, this was their first concert (unless you count Devin going to one when I was pregnant with him)! We drove for two hours from our home in Lodi and arrived at Save Mart Center in Fresno, Ca at about 7pm. We found our seats right before the concert started. And if we had seat belts we would have had to strapped them on because we were in for a wild ride!

Devin was so excited to be in such close proximity to "Famous People". I had to remind him that they were normal people (knowing that fame is cool, but we are all people just the same). He was just so pumped about being so close to "Famous People". The arena was packed, the lights were low and the show began. The lights, the thumping sound, the excitement was taking us into an exhilarating high that would last for about two hours. We screamed, and cheered, with the rock out songs and we sat quiet and listened when the music and singer were more thoughtful and mellow. As each new singer came out the crowd would cheer. The show started with the number 10 finalist and slowly progressed to number 1, the American Idol. As we got closer to the top final five, the crowd would be more and more excited as the new "Idol" would come out. We were excited and having the time of our lives, I can't even imagine what it was like to be the recipient of all the cheering and screaming. When David Cook, the AI winner came out, he directed the crowd to cheer and cheer louder and louder. Then he got out his tiny new video camera to record the crazy crowd. He said he wanted to record this so that when he gets lonely he could relive the experience. Smart guy! Fame only last for a time and then the new guy takes the stage.

As David Cook, rose from the floor of the stage, I had a thought.........would we cheer so exuberantly if that was Jesus up there? David Cook is merely a young man with a great talent to sing and perform (a God given talent non-the-less). So this thought leads to another.........what if it was acceptable to raise hands, sing loud and cheer in church meetings to show our Lord Jesus how we adore him?! Strange how I have no problem yelling at the top of my lungs for the people who sang at this concert, and wave my hands back and forth and dance in front of my seat and yet in other parts of my life I'm scared to make a move. I guess because it is okay at concerts to get a little crazy I feel more free to do so.

What if we made as big deal every time we saw someone we loved? How amazing it would make someone feel to open our arms and yell there name when they came. Imagine the love a father feels when his children yell, "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy's home!" when he gets home from work every day. When I see someone I haven't seen in a long time, I open my arms for a hug and smile real big letting them know how special and important to me they are! Wow! To feel so excepted and loved by others would be such a boost! Angels celebrate when people believe on Christ as their own savior, I wonder if they celebrate like we did last night?!

Something else I notice last night was that although each performer was amazingly great they all had a different appeal. Some of the singers were dynamic! Two were very sweet and their style was much calmer than the dynamic rockers. All of the performers could sing great, but some of them commanded the whole stage and energized the crowd, and others pulled you into their songs intimately and spoke words to give meaning to their songs. The diversity of this group of 10 young adults was amazing. There where five men and five women. Two of the performers where from two different countries originally. The group included people not only from different original countries but also from different nationalities. All of the diversity made for one amazing group and an equally amazing show.

This reminds me of how talented my God is in making people and especially how wonderful diversity (that is pure) is such a beautiful thing. This thought bleeds perfectly into what the Bible teaches about the body of Christ, how each of us has a different part, are equally dependent on each other and each are important. As I grow older, each day, month and year I realize how I do not embody enough talent and ability on my own to do it all (that is such a no brain-er)! Okay, here is an example, as much as I love to write and share my point of view I equally need someone to edit what I write because of my terrible disability in spelling. I have never, ever been able to spell well, it is a literary thorn in the flesh of the paper (or screen) that I write on. I would hate to see today, notes and letters (even yearbook signings) of the past, I would die of embarrassment for my lack of spelling skills! God has given many people such a command of the grammatical English language that they can spot a grammar or spelling error like I can spot a photographic opportunity. What I have in the latter I do not posses in the former. So, if you are a reader, and spot an error, e-mail and let me know, so that I do not embarrass myself any further.

What inspired me the most about last night, was that repeatedly I heard these young people speak of dreams, having them, not giving up on them and then living them out, like they were the very moment they spoke of them! I love dreams! Dreaming today and then seeing with your own your eyes your dreams come true in the future is amazing! I live that every day. I dreamed since I was about 15 of being a wife and a mother, I am in the midst of living that dream right now! Praise God! I have more dreams for my life and hope to see them come true like the people who we went to see perform last night! Do you have a dream that you care to share? I would love to hear about it!

After the show, we went to Denny's for dinner at about 10pm. We headed home after that and made it back to Lodi at about 1:30 am today. Although the ride home gave me a feeling of claustrophobia and nausea, as I sat in the back seat trying to help Jake sleep comfortably and trying to keep him from putting his feet in Drew's ears, it was well worth the wonderful experience of going to the American Idol tour!!!

Passive Aggressive Road Rage

2008-06-30T22:06:00.000-07:00

Today I took Jake to the dentist to get some work done on a tooth. The lady at the office took Jake to a little room to get an x-ray of the bad tooth. As we left the first room to go to the next, the dental assistant lady told him that he would get to choose the smell of the nitrous he was going to get. Now at this point you must know a little history. The boys have played a video game where they race cars and to get extra speed they use Nitrous. So now that you know this I can go on with the story. So after the dental lady says this, Jake looks up at me with a smile and says, "So if I fart I will go real fast!".............gas+nitrous=speed (isn't little boy math and logic great)!!?!!

Okay, so on the way home I am going down hwy. 99 South to Lodi. There is only two lanes, and on the left lane is a little Honda or Toyota with an mature woman looking to be in her 70's as the driver and a man in the passenger seat looking to be about 80ish and sporting a neck rest curved around his neck. I got behind her and she was only doing about 65, which on this highway that is slow! So I pull to the right lane and instantly I get this person in a white KIA on my tail. I hate it when someone rides my tail! She then pulls into the left lane and starts to tail this time soaked couple and this makes me really, really mad! So I decide to make sure she will be stuck, not able to get past us. My Trooper is now strategically going just fast enough to block my lane against the older couples car so that Miss. Rudeness will not be able to get past us. So for about two miles I do this, driving using both mirrors balancing my vehicle against their position. Finally, I notice that not only am I keeping Miss. Rudeness back but a whole slue of cars behind her and myself. Hmmmm...........this felt like some power to me...........not good power, but none the less I had stopped up the traffic. So knowing that I was doing to much of a power play (and this is a very rare thing I'm doing, I just hate for someone to bully the underdog). I speed up and pull in the left lane ahead of the "slow" couple and Mrs. White KIA Queen of the Road pulls around us and speeds off. I took a good look at her, a woman of about 50ish, now I'm really mad, she should know better. Well, maybe she has a bladder control issue and has wet herself and is in a rush to get home, you really have to give people the benefit of the doubt. ARGH, I hate it when people are rude!!!!!

Ahhhhhhh Sunday.

2008-06-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh Sunday. I am trying to make Sunday a different day of the week. I have wanted to keep the Sabbath for a long time know, but didn't really know how being that I'm Mom and my work never ends. Other than going to church, and taking a nap, I couldn't really fathom what a day of rest would be. But I'm starting to understand.

Today, I didn't worry about the house very much. Things were left out and undone, but it was totally okay, I had better things to do. My aim was to rest, to take a break from the ordinary. Sewing is something that I love to do, so I sewed a little. I watched the boys swim and embroidered, I don't do much of that anymore. I also had a long phone conversation with an old friend that I had lost touch with, how nice to hear her voice again!

I still had to run to the grocery store, my pizza dough was awfully hard and I needed to do something else for dinner. I still cooked dinner and even did a little laundry, but on the whole this day was set apart to rest and do what was relaxing to me. I totally get now why God would have us rest. We need a break, for our bodies and our minds. We need a guiltless bread. Hmmmm........makes me think of my little 6 year old boy, who gets really moody, demanding and cries when he is tiered and needs to take a break and rest. I command him to rest. I know what is best for him even when he can't see that he is worn out and having a break down. Out of love, I make him rest. He doesn't want to, it must feel like punishment to him, but it is really an act of love and wisdom.

God knows what we need. Let me encourage you to find a way to make Sunday a restful day!

Nothing is Impossible with God

2008-06-26T23:59:00.001-07:00

How is it possible to look at creation and not see the Creator? I so enjoy photographing the beauty that is God's creative expresion of His existance! Just in creation alone you can see how limitless His thoughts and abilities are. Then when you consider all the people of His creation, past, present, and future, it is amazing to even try and fathom his abilites to make people over and again and how different he makes us all.

How silly it must seem to God, that I worry about the future. Why would he leave me uncared for when he provides food for the animals. When I see the beauty of the flowers around me I realize that his abilities and possibilites are limitless! Praise God. My abilities and possibilites are limited and it is foolishness to put my hope in them, when I have a God that is more than able.

I struggle constantly with wanting more, or at least the ability to go get what I want when I want it. But not being able to do so, makes me rely on God. It makes me laugh to myself how God's ways are so the oppisite of the worlds ways. That is why I need to keep in the Word, renewing my mind, and trusting in Him.

My God, my Savior, who died to take my punishment for the sins I have done, made these things in these pictures. May God be glorifed! I thank Him for my eyes that can see them and for the camera that can capture them to share. All good gifts come from Him!

My Love/Hate Relationship with The Library

2008-06-25T22:40:00.001-07:00

I love books! I wish that I had a house where I could have one of those old fashioned types of libraries and there would be walls of books from floor to ceiling with the ladders that roll along the shelves. Another dream would be for me to have a large budget that could be spent on Amazon.com for books.

Books to me are opportunities. My mother often said, "If you can read you can learn". I grew up with this saying embedded in my mind and I have taken it to my heart. I have an obsession with learning at times. I have a need to make the wheels in my brain go around and to have the gears frequently oiled. The more you learn and know, the more you learn that there is always more to know.

The library is such a wonderful resource. We have used the library in Visalia, McMinnville, Salem and now Lodi. It has been interesting to see how different these libraries are. The library in McMinnville was artistic and two story (we loved that one)! It had a wonderful room that was dedicated to children and it was a treat to visit there. There were two libraries in Salem. We went to the smaller of the two and this one wasn't down town and I felt it was safer to go to. This library was small but very efficient and well stocked. The kids could get a library card for free, but if I wanted one I was going to be charged $60 a year. The other option was that I could check out one book at a time for free, I took that option. The reason being was that we didn't live in Salem, but Keizer and therefore the charge to use their library.

I have a problem at every library I go to. No matter what I do to prevent it, I always have overdue books and thus fines. I hate library fines. You are supposed to check out the books for free, and the fines just go against the whole free system. I have often tried to pay up, get my account in order and start fresh. Then out of the blue it hits me again............the librarian says, "Um, you owe $8.64 in library fines." What? That can't be true! Argh. Not again! So I fork out the money and vow to never have a late fee ever again. A few months go by and lo and behold it happens again.

Well, today I had the whopper of them all. At Drew's request, we went to the library. He has become quiet the avid reader. I had some books that I checked out last week and was ready to take them back (and didn't want any late fee). We check the books in when we got to the library, then Jake loads up on Sponge Bob books and Drew wants me to ask the librarian to put a hold on a book that he wants (he is into The Edge Chronicles). I go to the desk, and this nice young gal, who has helped us a few times before, looks for the book on her computer (oh how I miss card files and the plain old Dewy Decimal System). As we are once again discussing over due books (and I'm wondering how these books so cleverly hide in my house, fearing that all the time the librarian is thinking we must be total slobs to loose books the way we do) another librarian comes to the counter with a book that I just checked in and says, "This one has water damage and it is still wet" (as to prove that it is all my fault). I take the book in my hands and am just beating myself up inside. So I ask what my options are, hmmm........well I can pay the fine which is the price of the book, or I can pay the price of the book and take it with me. At this point I am just disgusted. The book was a lovely paper back book of Donna Dewberry, who teaches you how to "One Stroke" paint. At least I can use the book in the future, it was all about painting wall murals. So you can bet your bottom dollar, when we buy a house again, I will be putting this book to work and there will be a stinking mural on every wall!

Ok, I tell the nice library lady (I thought the other one was very rude) just tell me how much I owe so I can just clean my slate. The book was $25.99 and the other fees totalled me in at $33. (and some odd cents). I wrote my check and walked out of the library wanting to scream!!!!

I told the kids from now on we are only getting two books at a time, yeah like that will just solve the problem. I am living by Murphy's Law and it is nickel and diming me to death!

Would anyone like me to paint a mural on their wall?

Sometimes the "Good Mom" visits!

2008-06-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

The boys and I had a movie night tonight! We watched "The Spiderwick Chronicles", what a cute movie, well it was a bit gross in spots, but hey I used to think the "Grimlins" were cool. Afterward Jake got all the canned tomatoes and tomato paste out of the pantry (that is what they used in the movie to kill the bad monsters) and Drew danced around pretending to kill monsters. These are the times I love. Just having them fly around me being kids.

They have been swimming daily in the beautiful pool that belongs to our landlords. They are away for two months and we get to use the pool and backyard as if it were our own, how wonderful, and praise God! The pool is the saving grace of the summer. I have been feeling trapped here at the house. We live out in the country and every trip to town is about 10 miles in and back; with gas at the crazy price it is and my Troopers hungry appetite for it, I have to think about how often we take off. Jeff has been gone since Sunday (out of the state for business) and I have been personally brooding about not getting to get out of town. The days are long in the summer any way, but for Mrs. Social Butterfly me, being out in the country with neighbors that will not even greet you "Hello" it is a bit like tourture! We do have some very nice and friendly neighbors across the creek, but they are busy with their cows.

Thank the good Lord for phones! What would I do with out a life line to friends? Thank you April for the ear! And Jen, you have blessed me for the rest of my life with the chocolate fountain analogy! Thanks, I needed that!

I have learned over the past few years that I have more patients and endurance with my three guys than I have ever imagined. We have had long stretches of time together. I have dropped my many ideas of being a "good Mom" and I just go for "Mom" and take the "good" when I'm peaceful enough to handle it. Like today for example, I made sugar cookie dough with Jake. It is still sitting in the fridge, chilling, but at least I started something good. Also, I took the boys to the library this week, and have put up with "Guitar Hero". Yeah, way to go Mom, letting Devin get Guitar Hero with his money, that's a great way to introduce your kids to Rock music. What was I thinking. Oh, well, everything they have and do gets old an boring at some time.

I've come to be one with the force of the "Good Mom"! Sometimes she comes to visit and we all love her, then she has to leave because there is real life to live! "Pick up your towel and hang it up, no for the eighth time you can't have a cupcake for breakfast (it's not Saturday yet), get off your brother right now or you will not swim tomorrow...............don't sigh at me when I ask you to do something, do I sigh at you when I wash your clothes or make your dinner, we all work around here!" Yep, reality usually wins out!

2008-06-21T23:17:00.000-07:00

There is something special about growing up

with your sister. It's that type of friendship

where you finish each others sentences and

you can just look across the room and know

what the other is thinking. Ah, the giggles,

the nights of camping out in the living room

eating pop tarts and iced aniamal cookies.

My sister paved the way for me, she doesn't

realize how much of what I used to do was because

she made it easy for me. God gave me her

to ease my anxiety, to be the wind beneth

my wings. My sister taught me about

so much, things that I needed to know

but only she would teach me in a way

that was okay to hear it. I love you sis

and I miss our times together.

Pics from the past!

2008-06-13T21:49:00.001-07:00

The Opulent Distraction

2008-06-12T20:53:00.000-07:00

I needed milk tonight, and then I discovered that I needed bread. Now that all my little boys are home I am going through food at a little bit quicker rate than when they were in school. The best price for milk and bread is at Costco. So off I went by myself to Costco, which is a treat because it means I get to linger at the book section. But before I got to the books I walked through the electronics section. I'm defiantly an electronics lover. I fixed the computer for Jake tonight and he declared that I was a tech-y!
I checked out the Digital SLR cameras, I have a great one, but they are always making them better. One has this great image stabilizer, oh how I would love to have that. Then I walked on and looked at a 750GB hard drive (I thought the price said $21.95 so I picked it up and saw the price of about $140.00 behind it)..... :o(
Rounding the corner there was more to want, use or just think that you should have. A thought came to mind..............

***But first I must interrupt that thought and tell you what I have been feeding my mind on the lately. Last week I was reading a history overview from some of Devin's homeschool curriculum of last year. Over and over I read about people with their faith in Christ being persecuted for their faith, even by the leaders in the Church. Then I started reading Devin's science material and the first chapter is really a history of science. Most of the major men in science where christian believers and they saw the glory of God in their search for truth in science. Finally,
I have started reading a book by John Piper, "Don't Waste Your Life". You can download it for free here: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/OnlineBooks/ByTitle/1593_Dont_Waste_Your_Life/

The book is about finding your joy in living a life for God's glory. I'm not all the way through the book, but what I am seeing that we are made for God's glory (not our own). It's a large horse pill to swallow. Some parts of the book are hard for me to wrap my mind around. But I can say that I find the most joy, even rapturous joy, when I am in the middle of doing what is glorifying God.

So now back to what came to my mind when I was in Costco........"What if all of this is a distraction?" Let me expound. What if all the stuff that we have before our eyes, the fun things like my sons new Guitar Hero game, and the ipod that plays movies, and the brand new Digital SLR and the new books that I would love to have from Costco are distractions that happily keep me away from what really life is all about? What if the man made stuff is replacing what people used to enjoy, the God made stuff like rivers, trees, birds and flowers. These are the very things that point us to Him. I know that many things of this decade can be used for the glory of God, but my point isn't to say that we should have none of these things. My point is that we work so hard in our lives for things that do not satisfy, things that look like fun but just add more busy to our life and not peace. We all want joy, we all want a full life. God created us with these desires deep within us. The thing is that our joy and our life being full all come from a relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything else is a distraction!

What would be like if all we could hear is the birds singing to God, or the coos of a baby (the infants will praise the Lord). What if we really did smell the flowers and cool off by the running waters of a river. I think that there are people out there that still enjoy what God created.....but I seem to think that main stream man enjoys more of what man has created. I'm just musing here, but it is something to think about. My laptop gives more glory to a tech-head, than do my roses in the front give glory to God.

I know that I am by no means poor. But when I walk through Costco there are so many fun things that I cannot buy, that is not where my money should go. I could get really depressed and go through this whole "Why can't I have more" feeling (I do at times and I have to fight it).

But it is for my joy that I can't have whatever new thing I see and want. It is a greater joy knowing that God has supplied all my needs, and that he wants me to be thankful to him for all that I have. I haven't mastered this yet, it is a life long pursuit for me, but to trust in God brings unimaginable peace and joy! Therefore, I can walk through any store, or browse any website and know that my God shall supply all my needs, according to his riches in glory! If I don't have it, or the means to get it, (not to say that I haven't charged stuff on the credit card that I don't need - another area to work on), I don't have to have it.

Another thing that I have learned as of late, is that I don't need a lot. We are living in a very small house for 5 people. I long for a bigger house and an attached garage and a yard of our own. But we are doing just fine with what we have. The lesson here has come from this small house. I can only fit so much in here. The kitchen is small and I only have so much room to put stuff, so I got rid of the things that I didn't need. Our bedroom doubles as Jeff's home office (which I do not like, but it works). He gets 3/4 of the closet so that he can store work stuff, you can figure out what my part is. The only other storage downstairs in the space under the stairs, and a broom closet in the laundry room. With such limited storage space, I have either donated it to the Goodwill or boxed it up and put it in storage in the garage (that is about 50 feet from the front door). All is good! I don't need a bunch of stuff and truly it is very free-ing!!

To not have stuff sorta lessens the drag on your life.

Now I need to work on the distraction of the computer...................................that one is a big one for me!

This is for my Oregon Friends!

2008-06-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

This one is for my Oregon friends, I'm sorry it's still not summer yet! I know that summer will come for you too, be patient!

ZZ Top Dude Saved Our Life

2008-05-01T09:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, as usual, I went to get Drew from school. Jake came with me while Devin stayed home. As we where coming to a stop, in the left turn lane, (we where the first car), I heard some great 80's music coming from another vehicle. I looked over to the right to see who had such great taste and saw two lanes over a long bearded dude in the cab of a semi truck. He was happily bee-bopping to a familiar 80's song (but I can't remember it). He looked over at us and was looking at Jake in the back seat. I turned my head back to see if Jake noticed him. Then looked at the truck driver to see what he was doing. It was odd to see a man in his 60's, sporting a ZZ Top beard, rocking out to 80's music. So I told Jake to show him the rock-on sign, and Jake waived at Mr. ZZ Top Dude and he waived back.

I then looked ahead and noticed that the turn arrow light was green and just as it registered in my brain, I saw before me a work truck with a flat be trailer speed through the intersection going about 40mph. "What?" I thought. I have a green arrow, hey he ran a red light! Oh my gosh! If I wasn't so into Mr. ZZ Top Dude I would have started to make my turn, not even looking to see if anyone was coming from my left and WHAM! He would have hit me with such force I could have died, and Jake...........................................

I believe in angels! I wonder if Mr. ZZ Top Dude was an angel sent to save our lives. And God knows I love my 80's music and that is a perfect way to get my attention!

Praise God! Thank You God for saving our lives!

Slug Love

2008-04-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

Jake came in from playing outside and asked if I could cut him out a square (of fabric). I asked what he wanted it for and he said:

"Well, there is a snail who doesn't have a shell, and probably he is cold."

So I had a good laugh and hugged him as I got up to cut him a square of fabric. He goes outside with it only to return with a tennis ball sporting a shellesss wiggly thing atop it. The piece of fabric was way to big for this 3 cm sized creature. So I cut the square down to about a rectangle the size of a long finger nail. Jake then took it and lovingly covered that "cold" little creature! Ah, there is love in my little tyrant.

We then had to go get Drew from school. So Jake brought with him the slug (Devin told him it was a slug), atop the tennis ball. The mini blanket covered the slug with his head sticking out. As we got maybe a block or so down the road and picked up some speed, it got windy in the car due to the windows down. Well, the blanket must have been affixed to the slug, because Jake said he flew out the window. He was still holding the tennis ball, so the blanket must have air lifted that tiny slug and flung him out the window into oblivion!

Jake was upset. It was all Devin and I could do not to laugh at the fate of the slug.
What was very sweet about the whole thing, is that I work on teaching the boys to cover someone up when they are sleeping and Jake was caring about this tiny little helpless creature. Jake is developing into a caring person and that is such a beautiful thing........in light of other parts of his personality!

Etsy.com Shop Open

2008-04-16T15:33:00.000-07:00

Finally, my Etsy.com store is open!
I have 8 items up for sale and a few
more on the way! Please go and take
a look! And let other people know about
etsy.com!

Click the link below:

www.ddmariedee.etsy.com

Deanne's Avitar

2008-04-11T19:06:00.001-07:00

A Beautiful Blessing

2008-04-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

When God gives blessings, he doesn't give every person the same type of gifts. To some they have the blessing of a large home to entertain in, to others he may give a blessing of a wonderful vacation, and to others he may give a blessing of extra money to share. Today, He gave me a gift that is special just for me.

Jake and I saw a peacock a few days ago when we took the long way home from his school. After watching the peacock we drove home, only to be stopped by someone walking along side the road. A lady had hand signaled to us to slow down, she didn't want us to hit her dog as he was loose on the side of the road. I told her about the peacock we had just seen. She said that the farmer down the way owned them.

Yesterday, Jake and I went to the farm office (not knowing that this was a big deal farm that grew grapes for wine). In the office there was pictures with the farmer and people like,
our State Governor, the Governor's wife and even pictures with the U.S. President and his wife. I love not knowing who the big wigs are in town, then I'm not intimidated! So I asked if I could come back to take pictures of the peacocks. The lady in the front office said that I could come during business hours.

So I loaded up my beloved camera today and prayed to the Creator of these very peacocks and asked Him to give me some good shots! Oh, what a wonderful blessing form God. I love to
photograph God's creation!!! These pictures are from a wonderful blessing I received today!

Look below for some of the best shots.

God's Gift

2008-04-09T15:34:00.001-07:00

Tabasco Sauce and Jesus

2008-04-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

We have our little house sorta turned upside down right now. The boys room had mold on the wallpaper so the landlords and I ripped the wallpaper down yesterday. Today they had some men come to fix the walls so that tomorrow we can paint. Everything that was in the boys room (less the closet) was moved into our already too small living room. I lost all desire to clean, cook or do any laundry. So tonight the boys and I went to Denny's for dinner. For some reason the waitress put Tabasco sauce on the table. Devin smelled it and decided that he didn't like the smell. We had dinner and forgot about it all together until Devin was mixing mustard and ketchup on his plate to make BBQ sauce. Jake then took the Tabasco sauce and I thought I heard him say:

"This is what they put on Jesus"
I replied, "This is what they put on Jesus?"
"No", he says,"this is what they put on Cheese-it's"
(They had spicy hot Cheese-it's the other day.)
I had a good laugh.

I knew that they gave Jesus vinegar to drink.........so
I thought maybe he got mixed up.

A Barren Time

2008-03-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

It is a difficult spot when you are barren. Of course, I have never experienced barrenness in regards to having no children. As of late, my life has seemed barren. I know that God allows us to walk through these painful periods of time. My only thought is that these times, like their brother "Trials", teach us to put all of our trust and hope in God Himself.

Before we moved back to California from Oregon, I was in a study at church that was all about bearing fruit in our lives. The teaching was based on Jesus teaching on remaining in him and thus being able to bear fruit (Spiritual fruit). I love this teaching, it gives me such hope and motivation to have a close walk with my Lord and to have a life that is full of Spiritual growth and fruit (the real beauty of life on earth).

By the time I arrived in Lodi, CA I was very tiered spiritually. To my regret, I wanted a break from the long journey of walking in complete dependence on my Lord. I didn't abandon Jesus, but felt like I needed some rest from my trials. Stupid girl! There are no breaks! When you take your hands off the wheel, not to sin but to breath, it isn't wise. I have been in the desert, so to speak. It's dry in the dessert and you get really thirsty. The only true water is the living water that Jesus gives. Without the living water, or only sips, you get tired, and cranky. I'm learning a lesson here, it isn't wise to take breaks.

This break doesn't mean not reading my Bible and not praying, it means taking my eyes off of my Lord and putting them on myself. Self pity, bitterness, and wanting things for me without checking it out with Jesus. Not wanting bad sinful things, just not wanting to worry so much about deeper spiritual things and being more concerned with earthly needs and desires. This is unwise.

Spring is happening around Lodi, CA. The Lord is using it to teach me. About two weeks ago, I noticed something that was very much a part of this earth and very spiritual to me. Here in Lodi, out in the country where we live, there are grape vineyards all around. The vines had been pruned back to almost nothing. I could identify with the vines, feeling like God had pruned me back to nothing over the past few years and especially in the last 8 months.

I could remember when we came here that these very same vines had the most beautiful grapes hanging on them! What hope these barren vines had. There master new just what to do to produce this beautiful bounty of fruit again, to prune off all the used up and dying leaves and vines to start a fresh for this season of growth. Ah, there is hope for me also!

We were out of town for a little more that a week and when we returned these vines where starting to bud with green fresh new growth! Actually there was new growth all around.

There is a large very old vine that has attached itself to an oak tree that is at the entrance of the drive to our home. I have been intrigued by this vine every since we moved here. You can see that it has grown on that tree for decades because it is so large. I often wondered why someone hadn't already cut it down. When we returned home just a few days ago I learned the answer to that question. This vine that had intertwined itself up into this oak tree has the most beautiful blossoms of lavender on it. All throughout the dry branches of the oak tree there is a wonderful display of color to delight the viewer.

Oh, that God would do the same growth and blossoming in my life. Oh, that God would do the same for you and we can share in his glory, patients, long suffering and love!

Seam Ripping

2008-03-13T22:15:00.000-07:00

I've been sewing like crazy........and seam ripping like crazy.
I forgot that I can be some what of a perfectionist. After so many
years of all the miss haps and changed plans of living with little
children, I forgot that I like things to look really good and expect
a lot out of myself. I only hope that this will show to be quality work
in my clothing.
I'm taking a sewing break and heading about a 3 hour drive South
of home to go see family and friends for the Easter holiday. It will
be good to be out of the house and doing something different.
I'm hoping to get my first set of clothes online for sale the first
week of April! I can't wait to start selling and sharing these sweet
pieces of clothing with the world!

What's in a name?

2008-03-02T23:47:00.000-08:00

What does the name "d.d.Mariedee" mean? First of all the current meaning to the name "d.d.Mariedee" has to do with my creations, the things I make to sell on ebay and etsy.com.
I wanted to have a business name for the clothing and other things that I will be selling.

Where the name came from is another story. Actually, my Mom will sometimes loving refer to me as DeeDeeMarie-Dee. When I was a little girl my nick name was DeeDee. It was very cute at 4 years old, but some where around the time I started school I decided that I had out grown it. I wanted to be called by my real name Deanne (pronounced Dee-Ann).

My Mom was and is a very good seamstress. She would sew cloths for my sister and I when we where young girls. I remember when I was in 5th grade I wanted name brand jeans that we could not afford (in 1981 they cost about $30.00)! My Mom made me jeans and embroidered a design on the back pockets to make them look like the name brand ones. That was so loving to me. She also made the prom dress I wore to my first prom. It was like a fairy tale to me. Needles to say, I learned to sew from my Mom. So it seems fitting to use the name "d.d.Mariedee" to name my clothing and creations!

I finished an outfit this weekend and it turned out so cute! I can't wait to sew some more!

Getting Started

2008-02-29T09:38:00.001-08:00

I'm getting started on my first lot of custom one-of-a-kind little girls clothing. My husband and I had a nice (long needed) weekend away last weekend and I got to go fabric shopping. We were in the Montery Bay area and I found a quilt store in Pacific Grove, Back Porch Fabric, (http://www.backporchfabrics.com/). The ladies there where very friendly and they had a wonderful selection of fabrics.

After coming home I went shoping for the things that I would need for the finishing work of the garmets, like zippers and trim and the like. I love this part of what I do, it is so much fun for me to choose the things I like and imagine what they will turn out like. I have learned to be flexable when I was making quilts about design ideas changing, because I woud often have to adjust my ideas as I go. This works the same with making clothing, my ideas will often morph as I go alone and the garmet will look very different than what I origionally saw in my head. This is fun, it's like the fabric and embelishments have a life of their own!

I'm starting this blog to give people an ide of who I am, and how I create my pieces. I will blog soon about what the name d.d.Mariedee means and how I chose it for my work.