I have entered into a new phase of life today. It is official, I am now the mother of a teenage son! His birthday was not only a celebration for him, but sort of a right of passage for myself also.
Just recently, I held this heavy not so little baby in my arms, and looked at him with amazement. And then he began to walk and talk. This little boy was a handful for me. He tested my strong will with his own. He started school, learned how to ride a bike, and played with the neighborhood boys. And then all of the sudden life changed for our family, and our lives including his was turned upside down. We moved away from "home" and moved again. Within a day I decided to take a leap of faith, trust God's prompting, and homeschooling him. We had not even a year of working together at home building our relationship and then Jr. High Youth group happened. A girl was interested in him and he in she (I wasn't ready for that) and now we are here.
I heard that they grow up fast and now I believe it. This day I look ahead at 12 years of living with a teenage boy in my house (if God wills). That's right, I have already done the math and it will be 12 years straight that we will have a teenager living among us.
I'm sure that these years will be full of many things, joy, sorrow, laughter, anger, tears, and many other things! I can't even imagine how God will grow me and change me through out these years. I'm so much stronger than I was the day I gave birth to my first son. I think I understand life a lot better, yet there is so much I do not know.
I look forward to watching my boys grow into men. I look forward to the people they will bring into my life and the opportunities to learn from them and hopefully love them with the love of Christ!
Jeff and I long to get to the place in life where we will be settled. I know that we have had so many changes and moves and it doesn't seem normal to most. We have tried to follow God's leading, with prayer and seeking. We do not believe that Lodi, Ca is home for us. It is extremely difficult to live in limbo and at times it has really depressed me. There must be something here that God wants me to learn and grow from. One thing that I am realizing is that it is essential to the health of a Christian to have good loving fellowship with other believers. There must be prayer together, building up and encouragement, reading the word together and other spiritual disciplines. We are not meant to walk through this world alone. I haven't experience this type of fellowship here and I have suffered the loss of it.
I was going to join a Bible study at church but the times they were offered didn't work with homeschooling Devin and there wasn't anything for my other two during the evening one. The church we have committed to doesn't fit us, but we need to stay for Devin's need for stability at this time of life. I have also not wanted to get too involved, because I'm tiered of saying goodbye to people I love. For now I am experiencing the loss of fellowship, and it is painful.
Why else am I here? I am learning that things really don't matter but there is something that really matters to me. What really is important to me is to have a home that is full of light, and has beauty. Home is extremely important to me. I am longing for a place to stay and make home. Of course home is wherever my "boys" are but I need a home that I can nest in.
Lastly, for now, is...........I need my husband. We have had a year that has been very different than any other in our marriage. His new job has had him travel a lot and that means time away from each other that leaves a disconnect. The disconnect leaves a hole in me. He knows me better than anyone and I need his friendship.
So in a nut shell, Faith, Family and Friends! I need my faith and I need to share it in fellowship with family and friends. This is what I am longing for and praying for. I'm going to need all of these to support the next twelve years, as I live my life with all the issues of teenage life. Will you help me with your prayes and ask God to give me a stable home base, a body of believers to fellowship with and more time to be with my husband!
