Respect. It is an odd concept really. As children we are taught to respect our elders, our parents and our teachers. As young adults we know we are to show respect to our boss, our church leaders, and the police and the judge when we are called to jury duty. But then at some point in life respect gets personal.
When I was a young Mom, I think that the need for respect for myself was born along with my first child. There is something amazing that happens when you have a baby. Maybe this amazing thing doesn't happen for everyone, but I know that it happens to many. It is so amazing that you can know very little about how to care for a new born baby before you have one, and then when the baby is born something clicks within you and you are now in tune with your child and you are quick to understand his every need. At that point I think for me respect was born.
At that point in time and every since I have desired the respect of others. I didn't need to be place upon a pedestal and bowed down to, no it was something much more valuable than that. What I desperately needed was for the people close to me to respect that I had intuition and that I knew my child better than any other person and that I was doing the best for him.
We all have different styles of doing the same thing. I have worn my hair short most all of my adult life, when most other women have worn there hair long; we all wore hair but in different styles. My son, Devin, is really into music right now and his style is very important to him. I respect that we have a different style of music. Of course, I set parameters for him that his style of music has to fall into, but as far as the style he gets to pick what is right for him. Everyone has a different type of food they like. I have dined with someone that would put down what I liked to express her dislike of it. I have even sat across from someone that complained that the food I brought to a meal was too rich. We all have different taste and styles and should just respect that we are different.
Right now I'm doing something with two of my boys that I never ever thought I would do. I didn't choose to home school Devin, it happened out of a need that he had. I didn't seek it out, but I needed to do what was best for him, due to the circumstances that life had put us in. Out of respect for his needs, I decided to home school him. Right now I am very proud of him. I am proud of how hard he works, how he is learning to take good notes when he reads, and how he is starting to use critical thinking skills. And then there is Jake. My youngest son, Jake, just wasn't doing so well this year in school. He would come home very cranky and when it was time to do homework he was very frustrated. He had to do reading every night and was sent home with books that were too advanced for him to read, and he had it in his head that I couldn't help him.
He asked over and over again to be home schooled. It tugged at my heart to give him this but I didn't really want to give up what I had with Devin. But now I'm glad that I decided to do this with Jake too. He is reading at a progressively harder level and I'm really glad to be a part of that.
I hope that someday the boys will respect all that I have given up to spend this time with them. I was so looking forward to time at home alone, to clean the house and get stuff done during the day. Now the house stays messy and not all the things I want to do get done. That is all okay, because I will never ever get these years back. I would like to have this time with Drew also, we will see where God guides.
This all is a very different path than the way I grew up. But my family has very different dynamics than the one I grew up in. I lived in the same house since I was a baby. I went to the same church from infancy to my Jr. high years, then changed only two times and stayed at the second one until I met my husband. Sin was accepted as sin and not choice and personal preference. You never heard of the things happening then at school that happen now. I didn't really know much about what a gang was when I was Devin's age. My sister warned me about the "cholo" girls. So I quickly made friends with the "cholo" boys as a form of insurance! So many things that are normal in the lives of 13 year olds now, we only heard about when I was 13 (and they always happened to people we didn't know who lived far away in bad places).
Maybe I'm overprotective. Maybe I'm smart. Living so close to Stockton, Ca puts a different spin on the way I make decisions for my boys. I have often thought to myself "We're not in Kansas anymore".
So what does all this have to do with respect. I think if I could speak for mainstream Mom's we all want respect. My sister has a beautiful way of expressing this, she calls it grace. Grace for people that we don't agree with, or maybe grace for people who God has called into a different direction than he has called you (and this doesn't cover choosing to go outside of his revealed Biblical will).
I was at the only woman's retreat that I have ever gone to and the speaker said this, "Be women of grace." That to me is a wonderful admonishment to all Christian women. I want to give grace in areas that I do not understand. I want to respect my sisters in Christ, trusting them when they tell me they are seeking God, and praying that God will guide them.
It is life blood to encourage and support your sisters in Jesus. I have many friends that do that for me. Oh, that I may do the same for them!
